They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But why imitate when you can innovate? First, America’s Next Drag Superstar Jinkx Monsoon and Ivy Winters created this legendary fantasy recasting of Death Becomes Her. Then Willam Belli appeared in this gay YouTube spoof, “Rambo, But Gay.”
That got the gears turning. What other movies could use a little bit of charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent? Here are 10 movies with biological women that could use the full drag race treatment.
10. DreamGirls - This had to be on the list. Latrice Royale is is large, in charge, chunky, yet funky. She’s bold and beautiful so she is a clear fit to play Effie White. Dancing queen Milan is the perfect fit to play sensitive Lorrell Robinson. Tyra Sanchez fancies herself Beyoncé, but she can’t sing. So Deena Jones would have to be played by the America’s first drag superstar, BeBe Zahara Benet.
9. Steel Magnolias - Queen Latifah made an African American version of the popular film. Couldn’t it be possible to have an all Puerto Rican version? Imagine maternal Nina Flowers instead of Sally Field, spunky Carmen Carrera instead of Julia Roberts, Jessica Wild instead of mousy Daryl Hannah, Alexis Mateo and her breast plate instead of Dolly Parton, Madam LaQueer in Olympia Dukakis’ role and finally Yara Sophia giving you Shirley MacLaine realness.
8. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? - They may be old friends, but, Chad Michaels and Shannel would be great at playing feuding sisters Jane (Betty Davis) and Blanche (Joan Crawford).
7. The Craft - There has to be a spooktacular choice for Sharon Needles and Rulaskatox. When innocent Sara (Sharon Needles) moves to town she meets three witches, (Alaska, Detox and Roxxxy Andrews). What follows is black magic, black clothes and really heavy eyeliner.
6. Bring it On: All or Nothing - These queens are most likely to go direct-to-video. But their feud did make the fifth season of the show very entertaining. When Alyssa Edwards family moves and enrolls her in public school she has to join the cheerleading squad run by Coco Montrese. Expect plenty of reading!
5. Mean Girls - When Tatianna moves to a new town she gets on the radar of The Heathers (Raja, Manila Luzon and Delta Work). Her friends Shangela and Stacy Layne Matthews convince her to play both sides and take them down.
4. Big Business - Manila Luzon and Jujubee play two sets of twins in a remake of this Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin Classic.
3. Nine to Five - Pandora Boxx plays spunky Doralee Rhodes (Parton), Ivy Winters plays sweet-as-pie Judy Bernley (Jane Fonda) and Raven plays snarky Violet Newstead (Tomlin).
2. She-Devil - After an actress (Willam Belli) ruins her life, a jilted housewife (Mimi Imfurst) plans her destruction. With the help of a pint-sized friend (Kenya Michels) they get their revenge.
1. Troop Beverly Hills - All the Drag Race girls could star in a remake of this popular 90s. It'd be great, if only, to see them do a drag rendition of " It's Cookie Time." Clearly, Mama Ru would play Shelly Long's part.
Who would you love to see in a movie remake?
RuPaul’s Battle of the Seasons tour may be wrapped up, but we’re still hungry for some more Drag Race excitement. While we wait for the next batch of queens to grace our screens with more eleganza extravaganzas, let’s take a walk down memory lane and take a look at some of the show's best lip syncs that left audiences gagging for more.
Latrice Royale & Kenya Michaels: “Natural Woman” (Aretha Franklin) Latrice Royale is one of the most loved and most memorable queens on the show, and her Aretha Franklin lip sync against Little Kenya Michaels was absolutely chilling. While Kenya bounced around the stage like a bunny in heat, Latrice barely moved from her place, letting her face do all the talking. At that moment, Latrice was Aretha.
Raja & Carmen Carrera: “Straight Up” (Paula Abdul) The awesome Alexis Mateo flat out referred to Raja and Carmen Carrera’s lip sync as soft porn, so that should tell you enough. The 2 “Heathers” were gutted to have to go up against each other, but ended up turning out one of the most memorable performances in RuPaul’s lip sync history. From Carmen stripping down to virtually nothing and Raja leaving her lipstick mark Carmen’s shoulder, this lip synch was straight up hot.
Raven & Jujubee: “Dancing On My Own” (Robyn) In the All Stars season, squirrelfriends Raven and Jujubee were forced to lip sync against each other to Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own.” The lip sync was extremely emotional, with Jujubee and Raven barely even having any oomph in them left to compete against each other. The performance was so moving that RuPaul uttered the magic words to both queens: “Chante, you both stay.”
Alyssa Edwards & Coco Montrese: “Cold Hearted” (Paula Abdul) This was it, guys!! One of the most anticipated sync-offs in Drag Race history. Alyssa Edwards and Coco Montrese made no secret of their history-laden, drama-filled beef with each other that seemed to transcend countries, eons, and wars. Although both queens had their ups and downs, they had somehow managed to avoid being pitted against each other in the be-all end-all lip sync… until now. Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted” was ridiculously apt for the 2 stars and though Coco got to stay, Alyssa left us with some of the best moments from the show (see: “… Back rolls?”)
Roxxxy Andrews & Alyssa Edwards: “Whip My Hair” (Willow Smith)The only time we actually wanted to listen to “Whip My Hair” was during Roxxxy and Alyssa’s crazy lip sync to it. The performance was full of helicopter hair-flinging and sharp dance moves, but when Roxxxy took off her wig only to reveal another wig underneath (!!!!), even RuPaul’s jaw dropped to the floor. Roxxxy may have been petty at times, but she could bring it like no other. The legendary lip sync marked the first time that RuPaul let both contestants stay, because even she knew that all that hair-flipping was no joke.
Manila Luzon & Delta Work: “MacArthur Park” (Donna Summers) What the hell was Manila on during this lip sync? No one will ever know, but we do know that whatever it was, it helped her churn out one of the weirdest yet fiercest performances ever. Looking smoking hot in her yellow Big Bird dress, Manila turned it up all the way – we’re talking eyes popping out, mouth wide open, arms to the sky, crazy queen realness. Her performance was so good that she ended up sending fellow “Heather,” Delta Work, home.
Jinkx Monsoon & Detox: “Malambo No. 1” (Yma Sumac) Hands down one of the greatest lip syncs of all time – the lovable Jinkx Monsoon and the incomparable Detox. The showdown was bound to be intense, since both queens were extremely talented in completely different ways. As fiercely as Detox was bringing it, though, Jinkx stole the show without question. “Malambo No. 1” was made for Jinkx – her over-the-top character and goofy personality complemented her crazy awesome dance moves, and even the always-perfect Detox couldn’t even come close.
Dida Ritz & The Princess: “This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)” (Natalie Cole) It’s nerve-wracking enough to have to perform in front of Her Royal Majesty RuPaul, but having to perform a song by the original performer of that song makes it even more high pressure. In Dida Ritz’s best performance, she forced The Princess to sashay right the f**k away with her high energy, carefree lip sync to Natalie Cole’s “This Will Be,” done in front of Ms. Cole herself. The performance was so awesome that Dida got handkerchief waves from all the judges.
Jujubee & Sahara Davenport: “Black Velvet” (Alannah Myles) While Raja vs. Carmen was seductive in a porno kind of way, Jujubee’s lip sync of “Black Velvet” was seductive in a classy kind of way. Performing against the lovely Sahara Davenport, Jujubee killed it with her rock chick style and emotional syncing. You really believed that Jujubee was singing the song herself, and her flawless performance sent Sahara packing.
Nina Flowers & BeBe Zahara Benet: “Cover Girl” (RuPaul) One of the best lip syncs for the titles was performed in the very first season of Drag Race – the showdown between Camerooooooooooon (aka BeBe Zahara Benet) and one of the best drag queens in the world, punk rock majesty Nina Flowers. The queens had literally polar opposite styles and their fight for the very first Drag Superstar title was as fierce as expected. Performing to RuPaul’s classic “Covergirl,” the queens battled it out and left audiences everywhere begging for more.
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I have been with you since Season 1 of RuPaul's Drag Race, when no one figured out just what "creativity, uniqueness, nerve, and talent" stood for yet. And I stood by you. I stood by you during the atrocity of crowning Tyra Sanchez the winner, through the double scariness of Chad Michaels' and Detox's lips, and even through the horrible teams concept of the All-Star's season. I even stood with you through Phi Phi O'Hara! But there is something I can no longer tolerate. This might be the end of our relationship altogether. Ru, sister, squirrelfriend. No tea, no shade, but your finale is too damn long!
Seriously, two hours. Two hours? Last year it was bad enough when you threw us all for a surprise and said you wouldn't announce the winner until the reunion a week after the final episode of the competition. That was annoying, but at least we knew what we were in for this year. But then we rev up the DVR and it tells us we have to watch for two hours before we find out who takes the crown. We had to dedicate the same amount if time it takes to watch four episodes of 1 Girl 5 Gays to just one finale. We only got one RuPaul when we could have had 4 girls and 20 gays! And the hour was more padded than Alaska's skinny ass in a Dress Like Divine challenge. I don't want to see Penny Tration try to read the other queens and I had forgotten, entirely, what a Lenatia Sparx is. Even when I saw her I sounded like a crack-addled owl, "Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?" Yes, all of these lesser queens, like Honey Mahogany's wig, are better seen in the opening dance number and then retired to the background for the rest of the show.
I get it, I do. Logo needs to capitalize on its one success and super-sizing their one hit show so that it is longer than a pair of Latrice Royal's control top pantyhose. But isn't that what Drag U is for? And that awful All-Stars season? Between tacking each episode of Untucked onto the end each episode when it records on the DVR and forcing us to watch this reunion, you've already squeezed as much juice out of these fruits as you can. Why do you need to make it two lame hours? Just cut to the chase already. Tell us who wins, make a few lame jokes about Michelle Visage, and let us get back to watching reruns of SVU episodes we've already seen like we always do! There is capitalizing on your success, but this is just rubbing our faces in it to the point of exhaustion.
I'm not complaining about the outcome of the show. You totally made the right pick with Jinkx Monsoon as the winner, but if you're going to make us sit there for 120 minutes, we need more than just stupid interviews with queens we don't even care about. You didn't even put Alyssa Edwards and Coco Montrese in a cage match and make them brawl it out. I could watch that for a day and a half! Jazz it up or cut it down, but right now your show is more bloated than Lady Bunny at an all-you-can-eat BBQ joint.
Thanks for listening, Ru. Good luck on the next season finale. And don't f**k it up.
Love (Yourself So You Can Love Someone Else),Brian
Follow Brian Moylan on Facebook and Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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