You can stop caring about everything else. This is the only thing that matters now. A project unparalleled in promise. The film that will define—nay, change entirely the state of the world as it stands. Revenge for Jolly! The story of a man avenging the death of his presumably murdered dog.
The film will be director Chadd Harbold's first feature. It will also be the first project set forth by the Atlas Independent company. It will also be the first film to make you understand the meaning of life. But the concept does not stand alone here. Although it could. It's brilliant. The real prize is the cast.
The star is Brian Petsos, who is also the writer and producer of the film. Now, you're probably thinking, "What the harbold? You just said that the cast is where this movie shines! I've never even heard of this Brian Petsos!" First of all, start hearing of him. He's a hilarious comic actor/writer who has had roles in about a dozen short films as well as in MacGruber and Bridesmaids—both starring Kristen Wiig, you might notice, whom Petsos is also dating. But we'll bridle our envy for a second and focus on the positives: Kristen Wiig is also in this movie.
Yes, Kristen Wiig will grace this independent film with her typhoon of performative platinum. And she's not the only good news. Others in the cast include Elijah Wood (who it seems has sort of a thing for quirky, dog-related dark comedies now), 1990s hero Ryan Philippe, thespian overlord Kevin Corrigan, the Seth Coheniest actor in television history Adam Brody, the indomitably badass Oscar Isaacs, Saturday Night Live's laughter-cannon Bobby Moynihan, the omnipresent TV star Garret Dillahunt, and (prepare for joy, Community fans) the superpowered comedy/drama actress, Gillian Jacobs.
So, take that all in. Consider the creativity of the story. The remarkability of the cast. The profundity of the entire project. This movie will be directly responsible for world peace.
A man named Dexter Isaac (currently serving life in prison for murder and robbery) claims to be the man who shot Tupac Shakur in 1994. He said a man named James "Jimmy Henchman" Rosemond paid him $2,500 to do the job and in a statement, Isaac wrote "I want to apologize to his family [Tupac Shakur] and for the mistake I did for that sucker [Jimmy Henchman]. I am trying to clean it up to give [Tupac and Biggie's] mothers some closure." But we still don't know who killed him in 1996, so all of Chris Rock's sets remain intact. - All Hip Hop
Selena Gomez claims she got sick because all she does is eat junk food. She explained on a radio show in Texas, "I do eat. The problem is I don't eat right. I love everything that's possibly not good for me. I love M&Ms, Kit Kat, Snickers, Goobers..." A lot of this seems implausible. - Us
Kristen Wiig has already been married before, and she doesn't plan on doing it again. She told Showbiz Spy that she's perfectly happy having Brian Petsos be her boyfriend and nothing more. She does, however, want to have kids someday. She said, "Marriage, probably not. I've been in a relationship for years now and we consider ourselves married but I don't see the need for an actual wedding. But babies, yes -- I'd love to have kids." I had no idea she was in a relationship with someone! Aww, look at Wiig, wanting some wiggle room in her relationship! - Showbiz Spy
The Bridesmaids star wed Hargrove in 2005, but the marriage ended four years later and they have remained tight-lipped on the reasons for the split.
Wiig is now dating actor/producer Brian Petsos and they live together in New York City - but she won't be walking down the aisle again anytime soon.
She tells Britain's Stella magazine, "I probably won't ever get married (again), it's not something that I would want to do. (In Bridesmaids we were careful) to not send the message that you need to get married.
"I think women put that pressure on themselves, maybe even more than society does, but, if you're the single girl at the wedding, you know someone is going to ask you when you're going to get married."