Last night was the MTV Movie Awards, or the Twilight Superfan Explosion. Vampires took home most of the popcorn trophies and even beat out Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman's makeout from Black Swan for the Best Kiss Trophy. Yeah, I was confused too. Well, the awards may be useless, but so were most of the jokes. Even so, there were a few things that went down that you should probably be aware of, you know just in case you weren't sitting in front of the television at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night listening to terrible jokes about The Hangover Part II and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
1. RPatz drops the F-bomb, in generally a doofus
Now, before any Robert Pattinson fans crucify me for calling their sparkling boy a doofus, let me rephrase that: he's a very handsome, charming doofus. He may brood all over the screen in the Twilight movies, but last night, he was a bumbling, nervous dork. (But yeah, it was still kind of hot.) Of course, the big moment everyone will be talking about today is the fact that while he was giving the MTV Generation Award to Reese Witherspoon, he dropped a big ol' f-bomb -- and the folks on the East Coast actually heard it because the censors were sipping on whatever made Reese so freaking giggly as she sauntered up to that stage.
Tags: Movie News, 2011 MTV Movie Awards
2. Our anger over "I want to get chocolate wasted" being the best quote of the year is quickly quelled by an adorable acceptance speech by Alexys Nycole Sanchez
Seriously, that line is pretty awful. I was hoping for Tom Hardy's line from Inception, but it seems that that movie can't win anything at something as highbrow as the Oscars and it gets snubbed at the lowbrow MTV Movie Awards. Sorry, C.Nols. Also, sorry for that nickname, I'll never use it again. Anyway, this lame line from Grownups won, but as soon as that little girl jumped up onstage in her fluffy pink dress and starting being the cutest little kid ever, we all had to shut up and say "aww."
Tags: Movie News
3. Emma Watson was counting the minutes until she could leave, visibly shook her head at KStew's awful (drunk) acceptance speech
Hermione wasn't having any of last night's antics. She's too smart for all this dumbassery. Dragged there by publicists (in an amazing dress, I might add), Watson was charged with presenting a clip from The Deathly Hallows Part 2 and losing the Best Female Performance award to Kristen Stewart. Sure, it was funny seeing Watson look as bored as the rest of us, but the best shot came when Stewart drunkenly tried to make a joke about beating Natalie Portman and Miss Emma shook her head in disapproval. Sore loser? I don't think her lifelong goal is to have a giant can of metal popcorn, so no. (We're with you, Emma.)
4. Gary Busey presents Movie of the Year in a giant hamster ball
It was probably the most appropriate display of decorum towards the awards show throughout the entire evening. You think this award means something, entire cast of Twilight? Well, guess what. No one cares because you're sharing the stage with America's favorite crazy person as he rolls around in a giant version of a toy made for tiny, fuzzy rodents. Deal with it.
5. Reese Witherspoon gives naked photography advice to Blake Lively
Besides the fact that Ms. Witherspoon appeared to have had a little too much bubbly before getting onstage to accept her generation award, the best part was the fact that homegirl had the guts to call out Blake Lively for taking nude photos of herself with HER FACE IN THEM. We've all been thinking it, apparently all we needed was America's sweetheart to get drunk and put it out there on a silver platter of public shame. Sorry, Blake.
6. Sway still has a job
Remember Sway? The MTV VJ with the giant, dumb hat that resembles a cartoon octopus? The one who's such a mumbler that his announcements are virtually useless? Apparently, he's still on the MTV payroll, charged with adding useless commentary in between the actual awards show and the commercials advertisers paid stupid amounts of money for us to mute and ignore while we walk to the kitchen to get another beer.
7. JT fondles Mila Kunis...and she fondles him back
You need an explanation for this one? Really? There's video evidence. That should do.
Tags: 2011 MTV Movie Awards
8. RPatz kisses TayTay
And we were all just relieved that we wouldn't have to see Pattinson awkwardly try to kiss Stewart onstage.
Tags: Movie News
9. Justin Bieber making girls scream won Best Jaw-Dropping Moment over everything interesting
Okay, we knew this would happen, but REALLY? Justin Bieber gets onstage, performs, makes girls scream and cry. THIS IS JAW-DROPPING HOW? Hell, I'd have taken the literal shit-storm from the Jackass dudes over Beiber. I'm still not sure why that hangnail scene from Black Swan didn't make everyone gasp so hard they passed out. I'm getting lightheaded just thinking about it. (Maybe because the only people who actually vote for these awards are too young to get into a rated-R movie.)
10. Twilight won EVERYTHING ELSE
Seriously. It should have just been called the Twilight awards. THOSE MOVIES AREN'T EVEN GOOD. Pattinson, Lautner and Stewart were hopping around that Willy Wonka-rip off of a stage like they owned the place. Here's a tip, kids: these awards aren't representative of the entire nation, just the entire nation of vampire-lovin' tweens. Your reign will end, and when it finally does, the rest of us will be waiting at the other end with terrible jokes. At least Tom Felton took home the Best Villain trophy -- Harry Potter fans were seriously lacking this time around. IT'S YOUR LAST HURRAH, WHERE ARE THE VOTES? You guys let sexy vampires win over the battle to save the entire world from VOLDEMORT? Fail. Giant, epic, colossal fail.
It was a shocking night for the Twilighters in more ways than one - Robert Pattinson stunned the audience and TV viewers on the east coast of the U.S. when he uttered the 'F' word while paying tribute to his Water For Elephants co-star Reese Witherspoon, the MTV Generation Award recipient.
Pattinson scored the Best Male Performance award and shared the Best Fight and Best Kiss honours for the Twilight sequel, while Kristen Stewart took home the Best Female Performance.
The film also picked up the Best Movie honour ahead of Potter's Deathly Hallows, and the cast took to the stage to introduce an exclusive clip of their upcoming film The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.
The sole winner for Team Potter was young Brit Tom Felton, who picked up the Best Villain prize for his portrayal of Draco Malfoy.
The Twilight cast members weren't the night's only multiple winners - Chloe Moretz picked up two awards for her break-out performance as a child vigilante in Kick-Ass.
The winners list is:
MTV Generation Award - Reese Witherspoon
Best Male Performance - Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Best Villain - Tom Felton (Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows)
Best Jaw-Dropping Moment - Justin Bieber (Never Say Never)
Best Breakout Star - Chloe Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Biggest Bada** Star - Chloe Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Best Fight - Robert Pattinson, Bryce Dallas Howard & Xavier Samuel (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Best Kiss - Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Best Line From A Movie - "I wanna get chocolate wasted!" by Alexys Nycole Sanchez (Grown Ups)
Best Scared as S**t Performance - Ellen Page (Inception)
Best Female Performance - Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)
Best Comedic Performance - Emma Stone (Easy A)
Best Movie - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
It's that time again, the MTV Movie Awards nominations are out and once again, we can marvel at the ridiculous categories that the network formerly known as Music Television dreamed up. This awards show is like the spring break of film awards. After all the sincerity and somber ceremonies during the awards season, this is the one where Howard Stern might show up in ass-less chaps or two actresses might kiss onstage when they get an award; it's also the one that isn't afraid to hire a legitimate comedian to host the dang thing so we might laugh instead of looking at James Franco and Anne Hathaway like they must have lost their minds. The comedian this year is SNL's Jason Sudeikis -- or Floyd (sigh) if you're a die-hard 30 Rock fan.
Most importantly, it's the ceremony where viewers can actually participate in what movie gets which moonman because everything is determined by online voting -- granted, it's not like we're looking at the best of cinema across all categories for this thing. This of course means that The Twilight Saga: Eclipse will probably win everything because fan girls are stationed noon and night voting to make sure the Edward and Bella kiss beats the Jacob and Bella kiss for the "Best Kiss" award. Well, let's get these nominations lined up so you can start figuring how who to vote for.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
The Social Network
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Best Female Performance
Emma Stone, Easy A
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It
Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Best Male Performance
Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Zac Efron, Charlie St. Cloud
Best Breakout Star
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Chloë Grace Moretz, Kick-Ass
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Jay Chou, The Green Hornet
Olivia Wilde, TRON: Legacy
Xavier Samuel, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Best Comedic Performance
Adam Sandler, Just Go With It
Ashton Kutcher, No Strings Attached
Emma Stone, Easy A
Russell Brand, Get Him to the Greek
Zach Galifianakis, Due Date
Best Line From A Movie
Alexys Nycole Sanchez, Grown Ups:
"I want to get chocolate wasted."
Amanda Bynes and Emma Stone, Easy A:
Amanda Bynes: "There is a higher power that will judge you for your indecency." Emma Stone: "Tom Cruise?"
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network:
"If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook."
Justin Timberlake and Andrew Garfield, The Social Network:
Justin Timberlake: "... A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool?" Andrew Garfield: "A billion dollars. And that shut everybody up."
Tom Hardy, Inception:
"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling."
Christoph Waltz, The Green Hornet
Leighton Meester, The Roommate
Mickey Rourke, Iron Man 2
Ned Beatty, Toy Story 3
Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Amy Adams vs. The Sisters, The Fighter
Chloë Grace Moretz vs. Mark Strong, Kick-Ass
Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint vs. Death Eaters, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Joseph Gordon-Levitt vs. Hallway Attacker, Inception
Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Inception
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, Black Swan
Best Jaw-Dropping Moment
James Franco, 127 Hours, Cuts Off His Arm
Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Performance Spectacular
Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page, Inception, Paris Café Scene
Natalie Portman, Black Swan, Mutilation: Pulls the Skin off Her Finger
Steve-O, Jackass 3D, Port-A-Potty Bungee Stunt
Best Scared-As-Sh-- Performance
Ashley Bell, The Last Exorcism
Ellen Page, Inception
Jessica Szohr, Piranha 3D
Minka Kelly, The Roommate
Ryan Reynolds, Buried
Biggest Badass Star
Alex Pettyfer, I Am Number Four
Chloë Grace Moretz, Kick-Ass
Jaden Smith, The Karate Kid
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Inception
Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man 2
The MTV Movie Awards air Sunday, June 5. Voting ends June, 4, except for best movie which ends right before the award is given out on June 5.