Gilly Noble (Chris Klein) is a gentle innocent chap who works at the animal shelter and dreams of finding his biological mother. When he walks into the local beauty salon he gets his hair (and ear) chopped by the beautiful Jo (Heather Graham) who instantly becomes the love of his life. But soon after their engagement it's revealed that Jo's mother (Sally Field) is Gilly's as well subjecting him to every incest joke imaginable. By the time Gilly finds out it was all a mix-up Jo's already engaged to a shady millionaire (Eddie Cibrian) so Gilly sets off to stop the wedding with the help of a pilot with no legs (Orlando Jones).
Since this movie is produced (but not directed) by Peter and Bobby Farrelly and follows in the same vein of their "are-they-really-gonna-go-there" brand of toilet humor parallels to their massive hit There's Something About Mary are inevitably drawn. But Chris Klein is no Ben Stiller and because Gilly has no comic dimensions of his own (everything just happens to him) he doesn't do much more than make puppy eyes and look shocked. Graham continues her one-step-forward two-steps-back career by relying on wide-eyed sympathy glances rather than actual acting. Sally Field almost escapes wrath by playing gold-digging white trash with true camp -- but we said almost.
If J.B. Rogers making his directorial debut was going for groans rather than laughter he sure got them. Preview audiences weren't exactly rolling in the aisles when Gilly pieces together a mustachioed disguise from the trash behind Jo's beauty salon not realizing he's using waxed-off pubic hair. They also didn't really howl with laughter when Gilly somehow loses the engagement ring inside a (really fake-looking) cow's butt and then gets his hand caught inside. The film tries its hardest to cram in all the gags it can in a mercifully short 97 minutes but forgot to make sure they were funny.
Yup, he's the dad. Mick Jagger Wrinkled Rolling Stones singer Mick Jagger, 56, today confirmed in sworn testimony that a baby boy born to Brazilian model Luciana Morad is indeed the result of his, er, handiwork.
Speaking to New York court officials via the telephone from London, the rocker said he had no problem being listed as the father on the birth certificate of Lucas Maurice Morad Jagger, born May 18. No word if he had a problem with the whole "Maurice" thing.
The out-of-wedlock birth -- he is no longer linked with Morad -- is proving costly to the mega-millionaire. First, it drove the final nail into his relationship with model/actress Jerry Hall. (The two formally split in July, annulling what most people thought was a nine-year marriage, but what they agreed was a nine-year nonlegal cohabitation. In any case, Hall walked away with a reported $15 mil.)
And now the Morad affair has landed Jagger (in spirit anyway) in the Big Apple's Manhattan Family Court, where the maternal unit is demanding $35,000 a month in support from the paternal unit. (Said paternal unit is currently forking over a mere $5,500 a month.)
For those keeping score at home, Jagger has now squired seven kids -- two by ex-wife Bianca Jagger, four by Hall, one by Morad.
Well, that he knows of anyway.
COUPLEDOM: What's it like to be an ex-Beatle? You have to issue a press statement when you go out on a date. Widowed Paul McCartney, 57, today confirmed to the British press that he's "an item" with a 32-year-old, one-legged activist. "She's a very impressive woman," McCartney said of Heather Mills. The erstwhile Mop Top lost wife Linda to breast cancer in 1998.
COUPLEDOM II: Actress Angie Harmon, 27, ("Law & Order") and football star Jason Sehorn, 28, (New York Giants) are engaged after the groom-to-be proposed to the bride-to-be on the Monday edition of "The Tonight Show." It was a really happy occasion, and Jay Leno didn't call anybody names, neither.
HOW TO GET A HEAD: Tim Burton's "Sleepy Hollow" ran away with a field-best 11 nominations for the 26th Annual Saturn Awards, honoring TV and films of the sci-fi, fantasy and horror variety. Burton's Headless Horseman tale earned a nod for best horror flick as well as a best actor nomination for star Johnny Depp. Winners will be announced in June.
JURISPRUDENCE: In Los Angeles, a judge has dismissed a $150 million slander lawsuit brought against "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno. The complaint, filed by an auto designer, accused Leno of calling the man a "crook" and other not-so-nice things at a 1998 classic car show in L.A. The attorney for the auto designer vows the court battle is "far from over."
FABIO NEWS! Everyone's favorite artificial butter spokesman is 39 years young today. That's all.