It always amazes how much Big Brother can fit into an hour. This show is absolutely nothing more than a house full of attractive lunatics who scheme, play deranged Field Day games, and slowly descend into full-fledged paranoia on national television for money. (Man, this show is the best.) So how much, really, can they fit in an hour? Tons! And I'm glad you asked because last night's Big Brother had plenty. Broken alliances! Innuendo! Bath suds! And, my favorite redundant reality television tactic — whispering!
We jumped right into Day 5 and things are right where we left off, with likable curly Frank going up against person in existence Kara. Boogie is "super disappointed" in Willie's decision (imagine the life choices that lead you to someone named Boogie being disappointed in you) and needed to win the power of veto in order to keep Frank around to keep a full team. "Lying in the Big Brother house, it happens," marveled Boogs, "Here's what you don't wanna do: Lie to me."
Except Boogie wasn't really the coach with something at stake in the battle of Frank v. Kara. If Kara is sent packing, that leaves Dan with just one player. This will serve as a reminder to all those playing: This coaches thing is really, truly stupid. Then again, without the coaches, we would have never had that moment between Britney and Janelle in the bathroom in which they wore bikinis for no apparent reason, drank wine, and giggled about having already outsmarted Dan and Boogie. Britney and Janelle are like the Peggy and Joan of Big Brother if Peggy and Joan wore bikinis to work and did s**t like this for a living.
But the girls weren't wrong. While Janelle and Britney had a celebratory dance party with Willie and Wig (what he lacks in shirt, he makes up for in ridiculous hair), Dan and Boogie went into full panic mode. Boogie talked to Frank, Frank talked to Willie, Dan talked to Frank, Frank was instructed by Dan to "pull a rabbit out of a hat." Magic! This episode had everything. Including Ian, who sent nerds back a couple of centuries by wearing a shirt that read "Thermodynamics Gets Me Hot"and kicking himself in the face to the amusement of people who would have made his high school life hell. There's no way Big Brother screens the mental stability of these people. And why would they?
After watching Ian's party trick, Boogie cries, "Hey America, please kick me in the face." Oh, don't tempt us, Boogs. Of course, the rest of the house was already aiming for Boogie's face, and, well, just about every other part of him. Willie wants him out, Britney wants him out, Janelle wants him out, and soon enough, Dan wanted him out once he learns that Boogie threw him under the bus to save his own ass. Pssh, that Boogie. He thinks he's the Pope of Chilltown.
It wasn't boding well for poor Frank who had a Boogie-sized target on his back. Ew. It got even more dire when Danielle, Shane, and Wig got called to compete in the veto competition. Frank and Kara quickly saddled up to the biggest threat, Shane. While Frank is "jacked" (according to Shane), has a trustworthy demeanor, and angelically curly hair, you know what he doesn't have? Lady bits. Kara has lady bits. "We're alone together in the room," says Shane, creeping us all out for good, "You never know what could happen." Ew. Kara promises she is a women of her word, but she could have simply blurted "vagina" and saved us all some time.
How loathed is Boogie, dear reader? So loathed that he makes the guy wearing a pooka shell necklace, aching to be alone with a girl in a room that encourages getting dizzy, look like the least horrible person. Boogie did math (25 percent turns into 33.3 percent), turned his back on a renegade (which Dan explained meant he is "gonna get stabbed"), and used the phrase "draw a line in the sand." Ew.
(Quick sidebar: 1,000 Zingbot points are rewarded to Janelle this week for her Boogie zinger, "I thought Boogie was supposed to be good at this game?" Zzzzzzzing. End of sidebar.)
After a cultural linguistics lesson from Jojo and Danielle (people from New Yawk say "cawfee" and people from the South say "y'all" and I'm fixin' to fuhgeddaboutit), it was finally time for the veto competition, which was laundry-themed. Much to the delight of Spray Tan Ashley ("I love bubbles!") and veto competition host/JWOWW spirit animal Jojo who "knows a thing or two about laundry," if you catch her drift and most certainly shouldn't.
The game? Loose change. The object — in the midst of the soapy, slippery obstacle course — is to find various coins and throw it at the giant vending machine. The first player to get $1.30 into their vending machine gets their dignity back. Just kidding! They get the power of veto. It was a fierce, slippery competition between Wig, Danielle, Shane, and Frank, but as expected, it came down to Frank and Shane. A sud-den death, if you will. Shane, despite the odds of being someone who wears a pooka shell necklace, emerged the winner.
Shane had some thinking to do. (Hey, there's a first time for everything on Big Brother.) Does he use the power of veto to take Frank off the block and and keep the target off him, despite the fact that Shane's a very real threat? Or does he do that for Kara because... lady bits?
Kara, bless her heart (or something), even tried to play that card, telling Shane in her plea for veto, "You look really good today." But Kara had to eat a piece of humble pie (which sounds infinitely better than the Have Nots menu this week), because Shane decided to not use the power of veto, leaving them both on the block. You better apreesh!
Is Frank doomed to go home? Or can he best Kara in tonight's competition to stay alive another week? Is Boogie actually the villain from an '80s comedy who somehow wound up on this show? Find out on the next Biiiiiiig Brother.
[Photo credit: CBS]
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S6E9: I think I’m going to begin starting my 30 Rock recaps as such: “This week, 30 Rock does a __________ parody!” You can fill that blank in with crime procedural for this latest episode. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this formula—especially since the show also manages to devote time to other non-parody stories—but the Law & Order satire in “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky” falls a bit flat, especially in comparison to the exceptionally spot-on parody that last week’s “Leap Day” managed.
"I broke the number one rule of being on the force." - Jenna
"Don't fall in love with your car?" - Tracy Jenna reminisces about her short-lived crime drama Good Looking, and decides to live out her character Alexis Goodlooking’s life by solving an actual mystery: somebody drank Pete’s special birthday whisky, and he’s being really whiney about it. Jenna and Tracy team up to parody the standard procedural tropes—the investigations, the interrogations, the “my loved one’s death is a constant weight on me, but drives me to carry out justice everywhere”-tions. Jenna and Tracy deliver laughs handling the premise, but the whole story doesn’t seem very original at all. Crime procedurals are one of the easiest grounds for mockery, right up there with soap operas and reality shows (both of which 30 Rock has also done, but much better). In fact, the funniest part of this plotline is a dismal Pete, trying to rally everyone to listen to his oft repeated story of meeting Phil Donahue, and his guitar rendition of “Piano Man,” with amended, sadly self-aggrandizing lyrics. Pete is one of the few characters whose descent into cartoonishness actually makes me happier—although he served a good purpose as a stable but sad and spineless man at the series’ inception, he is much, much funnier now that he’s just a personification of failure. "In prison I was involved in a fake family with a bald woman, and our son was a basketball with a wig on it...but, okay, this is creepy." - Lynn There is something funny and interesting buried inside Liz’s story of the week, but it never quite comes out. This is actually how I’ve felt for years about the character with whom she spends most of her time on this episode: Frank. From the beginning of 30 Rock, I always wanted to like Frank a lot more than I actually liked him. I always waited for a Frank episode, knowing that if the character was actually developed, he could very well be my favorite. Unfortunately, it’s really too late to make anything truly interesting of Frank—the show is past the days of fleshing out its characters. But curiously, I still really enjoy when episodes devote a lot of attention to him. Last year, Susan Sarandon made a guest appearance on the aforementioned reality show parody episode, playing a former middle school teacher of Frank’s who seduced him when he was only fourteen. After years in jail, she came back to profess her love to him. And as we found out three weeks back, they’re still dating. Lynn (Sarandon) returns this week, but Frank has yet to tell his overbearing mother (Patti LuPone, another welcome returnee) that he is romantically involved with the pedophile adultophobe that took his virginity when he was in junior high. The show makes a whole lot of jokes about Lynn being perverted and immoral, but in the end, we’re still meant to root for the pair’s relationship. Which is fine, because no one on this show is really a person anyway. In order to cover his secret, Frank tells his mother that he is actually dating Liz, and thus ensues one of the oldest tricks in the sitcom book: Person A pretends to be dating Person B so that Person C will (and the rest varies depending on which episode of Three’s Company you’re watching). However, this story is practically over before it begins. We barely get a scene of Frank and Liz feigning couplehood for the benefit of Frank’s mother before Frank admits the truth. A constant problem for 30 Rock is that it never has enough time to do what it wants—so, we sacrifice this sitcom tradition (which the show already did back in the Season 1 episode “Black Tie” anyway, coupling Liz and Jack) in favor of a bunch of explosive scenes wherein Frank professes his love, cries into meatballs, and admits to an overwhelming Oedipus Complex. It’s wild times in the Rossitano household. "He's the best friend I've ever had, tied with everyone I've ever met!" - Kenneth The best aspect of the week comes along with Jack and Kenneth. Jack is training Kenneth to “make it to the top,” attempting to wean him onto the ways of moral ambiguity. Jack’s primary lesson to Kenneth is that business isn’t about friendship, it’s about getting ahead—and sometimes, you have to stab some people in the back to do so. Jack recounts his earliest memory of stabbing a would-be friend Henry Warren in the back, convincing Kenneth to do the same to his new work friend, Bradley Tarkin, Jr., a go-getter and Syracuse alumnus (perish the thought) who works Kenneth wrestles with the suggestions Jack gives him, favoring the kinder path, but Jack persists. Kenneth tracks down Henry Warren (Stanley Tucci) to find out whatever happened to him, in order to better inform his own decision on what to do. Henry is a reasonably happy man, living a quiet, normal life. But reconnecting with Jack throws him into emotional turmoil, realizing that his oldest friend was using him the whole time and never truly cared for him. The Jack of present day is a much gentler man than that of past—so he realizes that he’s sending Kenneth down the wrong road, and works to rectify this. However, Kenneth is already too far gone. He trusts no one, including Jack. And he reluctantly but eventually does indeed sell out his friend. Surprisingly, that is where the episode ends. Surely we’ll be seeing a continuation of Kenneth’s journey next week—but I’m hoping he doesn’t rise to prosperity because of a newly embraced dishonesty. I’d rather Jack’s Season 1 prediction be right: the Kenneth we’ve always known is destined to rule (or kill) everyone, not a new, manipulated version. What did you think of this week’s episode? Are you enjoying the parodies? Where will they go with this Kenneth story? Let us know in the comments section, or on Twitter @Hollywood.com and @MichaelArbeiter.
Dunn and a pal were drinking at a West Chester, Pennsylvania bar called Barnaby's of America shortly before the stuntman lost control of his Porsche in the early hours of Monday morning (20Jun11). Both men died in the accident.
Police reports suggest Dunn was too drunk to drive when he climbed behind the wheel of his sportscar.
However the general manager of the bar, Frank Herron, will not be charged for giving the star eight drinks over the course of four hours because, as far as employees could tell, Dunn did not appear to be intoxicated.
Herron tells the Associated Press, "He spoke clearly. He walked clearly. He came in hop, skip, jumping. He left hop, skip, jumping. If these (toxicology) results are true, I'm shocked at it. We were very confident that he had not had that much."
The toxicology reports which will determine just how drunk Dunn was at the time of his death will be released next month (Jul11).
S6:E7 Happy fourth+2, everyone! I bet you’re all deliciously sunburned, which means you couldn’t have even taken a shower last night if you wanted to…so I’ll bet you watched The Bachelorette last night instead! Why not subject your mind to the same kind of pain your body was feeling!? Plus, it was only one hour long instead of the usual two, so it was like we all were sickly children who suddenly realized our flus weren’t getting any better because we were drinking too much Bubblegum flavored Robitussin. It’s all been just too much for our little bodies! But last night, we got the perfect dose, when Ali and the five men went to Portugal.
This week, since there are so few men to man Ali’s ship, there were four dates. A lot was on the line this week because the four guys who live to see another week will get to bring Ali to their hometowns so she can meet their parents. For the first date, Ali chose Roberto and they went on a picnic that was preceded by taking jumping pictures in front of precious-looking and feeble statues and whispering dirty things to guards.
For the group date, Ali chose Frank and Ty to accompany her on another helicopter ride around Portugal. She took them to a castle, where they saw a baby deer and Ali said it was cool. Riveting, no? She casually remarked being on a date with two guys was “stressful, awkward and tiring,” which is probably the worst thing you can say to your devoted fans who watch this show instead of hanging out with their nonexistent boyfriends.
In the middle of their dinner, Ali pulled Ty aside, but Frank was the real winner of the situation, because he was left alone with the breaded cheese/potatoes/meat balls. With Ty, Ali wanted to know more about his divorce and understand if his beliefs in traditional gender roles would get in the way of Ali’s career in connecting college graduates together and the two of them having a successful relationship. He said it “tickled” him to think she has things she wants to do, which is exactly what a person who just got out of prison would say while he’s trying to re-learn the appropriate lingo of mainstream society. Then, Ali pulled Frank away (who, for some reason, I like tremendously less than when I first met him) told her he still lives with his parents (oh, maybe that’s it). And bless her heart, she didn’t care that his mama still washes his undies and peels his carrots before she puts them in a ziplock bag for him.
(Don’t you feel like this episode had all the grease patted off of it with a flimsy napkin? I do! Maybe we do need the two hours!) For the second individual date, Ali chose Kirk and took him on a horse and carriage ride throughout Lisbon and then to an empty palace, where they had dinner and drank and talked about how meeting the parents is actually quite a serious step in a relationship. Blah Blah Blah, Ali might end up with Kirk.
The third individual date went to Chris, who Ali presented with a moped or motorcycle and told him to drive it somewhere. And man, the producers of The Bachelorette deserve an Emmy or something, because they totally gave them the slow scooter to symbolize how slowly Ali’s relationship with Chris is progressing. They sat on a ledge where Chris talked about his deceased mother, and it was actually kind of nice. And then they visited a winery, where Chris gave her a bracelet that couldn’t sparkle even if it spent all of grade school learning how.
When it was time for the elimination ceremony, all the guys were visibly petrified. In the end, Ali eliminated Ty, which means she will not be meeting his family or defending her desire to stay in the Facebook workplace to them.
So that’s it! Four guys! My money’s on Kirk or Roberto, because Chris is still taking it slow and Frank isn’t quite as grown up as Ali. But let’s be sure and tune in next week to see Ali get grilled by all their parents. It’ll be nice, for once, to she how she reacts when she doesn’t know what’s coming her way.