You guys, the virgin who can’t drive (Alicia Silverstone) is ALSO pregnant! ALSO! As in, everyfuckinbody else is already pregnant and I seriously can’t think of any one else who would get pregnant right now because it’s become more cliché than going to the museum on a rainy day at this point. I feel our entire species is at risk now because if people keep getting pregnant right at this very moment in time, everybody’s going to be more conscious about ending the pattern and so people will deliberately not get pregnant and then the human race will die out because people just wanted to end the cliché of pregnancy. Which, OH MY GOD. IT HAS BEEN ALL THIS TIME! PREGNANCY IS THE MOST CLICHE THING EVER! HOW DID IT TAKE ME THIS LONG TO REALIZE? And scene.
Anyway, Alicia Silverstone announced her pregnancy to People and claims it’s something she’s been wanting to do since she was two years old. She said, “I’m destined to be a mother.” Really! That’s what she said! And since I know I can count on all of you to fulfill my quotient of happiness for her, I will say that she did not want to have a baby when she was two years old. When she was two years old, she probably enjoyed imagining what it would be like if a cracker ate another cracker. I know what she means, though: she means she’s excited to become a mom. That’s great. But we don’t need to take it to extremes and make things up, like two year olds thinking about babies. And do you know why it’s a fact that two year olds do not think about having babies? Because two year olds are too stoked about the idea that every time they tell their parents their address, they get a cookie.