An Open Letter To Rihanna, Who Can’t Stop Taking Wine Glasses To Go

Dear Rihanna,

We need to have an intervention. It’s not that you’re not a bold, beautiful queen at the top your game. It’s not about any unhealthy habits you might have. Trust us, you’re not pulling a Lindsay Lohan by any means. You’re always elegant and rarely causing controversy. But our dearest Rihanna, we are not animals, here. Hollywood may have taught you differently, but you’re not supposed to take wine glasses out of the restaurant.

We know you’re a self-proclaimed bad girl RiRi, but what do you even do with all the wine glasses you pilfer from unsuspecting, five-star restaurants. Surely, you don’t need that many wine glasses. Surely, you can have a bottle of wine waiting for you in your car. Do you really need to take your unfinished, half-empty wine glass out of the restaurant, through the droves of paparazzi judging you, and into your car?

We’re not cops. We’re not telling anyone about your law-breaking, drinking-in-the-street, dirty habit. In fact, the $25 ticket you’d get in New York City for carrying a glass of wine out in the open is probably worth how awesome of an accessory a half-filled glass of rose actually is. We particularly appreciate how you seem to match your taste in wine — sometimes a red, sometimes a white — with your outfit. You are truly a style icon.

Could you look anymore powerful and sexy with a glass of wine matching your dress?

Here’s a white wine with your all white outfit. Seriously do you do this on purpose?

Things feel instantly like summer with a casual t-shirt and glass full of white.

But things start to get a little hairy when you can’t even manage to hold all you’ve got to hold with that clumsy wine glass in your hand.

And here you are in your pajamas drinking a pinot noir. Really RiRi, if your jammies weren’t made out of a luxurious-looking silk, we’d assume you’re off your rocker. Us average folks would be committed for doing much less. And we’re not totally sure, but we think your nipples might be showing through that bra.

Don’t get us wrong, we greatly respect that you’re not using plastic. When us peasants take wine to go, we usually sneak it into Poland Springs water bottles like we’re high school students sneaking alcohol into prom. You recognize that that’s terrible for the environment. You’re doing the Planet Earth a valuable service. We respect that, but we just don’t understand your motivation.

Is this a small way to stick it to the man? Is this how powerful you are that you just take what you want from restaurants. Yes, maybe we’ve been known to stuff some leftover dinner rolls into our purses, but stealing actual plates, glasses or silverware seems like a little much.

So basically, RiRi, all we’re asking is, can you please steal a wine glass from our restaurant and/or home? It’d be an honor to have you in our presence.


A girl who regularly drinks wine out of a box and wishes she was a bold as you.

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