Welcome to Week 2 of Charlie Sheen! There are exits located in the front, side and back of the vessel. Please take a moment to locate the exit nearest you, while keeping in mind that it might be behind you. Oh, and bring your chairs up into their upright positions, as reclining for comfortability is for losers who die from using drugs. Here’s a complimentary cookie for your loyalty, and for choosing us to navigate you through what is sure to be another obsessive week about a man who thinks recorded fart noises are hilarious and who thanks his girlfriends when they laugh at his jokes after drinking from a sippy cup.
The latest news is that Mark Cuban, owner of HDNet, has approached Charlie Sheen and asked to help him with the network’s programming. E! Online reports that means Cuban wants Sheen to be the programming, and if Sheen signs on to whatever deal Cuban is preparing for him, HDNet is about to be even more popular than the first banana that ever had seeds. Apparently, after the first Sheen’s Korner aired on ustream, cameras started rolling to capture whatever Sheen does so that it can be aired in a reality show, or talk show or special. Cuban told ESPN, “Right now, we’re taping a lot of different things that he’s doing, and we’ll try to figure it out. It’s still not 100% certain.” Cuban continued, “You’ve got somebody that everybody has a whole lot of interest in who’s doing some interesting things, to say the least, and we always look for interesting programming featuring interesting people doing interesting things.”
Can we have a round of applause for Mark Cuban, who ignored his seventh grade English teacher’s lesson on how the word “interesting” really means nothing? Thank you, that’ll do. But really, what would we do without Mark Cuban, who’s fighting tooth and nail to keep our lives interesting? God forbid we wake up one morning and there’s no frosting smeared on our refrigerators? Or the day we come home from a blind date to find our cat perfectly fine, and that our ex-boyfriend hasn’t shaved him and glued the magnets from our refrigerator to his little stubbly body? Do you mean to tell me that up until now, we’ve had no backup plan for the days where nothing interesting happens to us? My God you guys. We have been living dangerously. It’s a good thing Mark Cuban’s here with a safety net.
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Source: E! Online