Who is in contact with James Franco? Surely one of you has to be. So which one of you can I assign the duty of telling James Franco that I’m officially done with him? As in, I’m officially resigning from the position of co-habitating on this earth with him? Excellent! You in the front can do it. (Sorry people seated in the back, you weren’t assertive enough to even sit in the front of the room so you’re hereby deemed unfit for this responsibility.)
Anyway, why am I removing his stenciled name from the door to his section of my memory? I’d be glad to tell you. It’s because of his new music video. It’s called Rising, and it’s off his new EP called Turn It Up. In it, there are many things! Like Kalup Linzy, a closed-eyed and pretty-stoned-looking James-Franco, and that special effect where rainbows are everywhere and everything appears to be inside a bubble. And also, they had Kalup peaking out from behind a curtain to sing his lyrics and a random wig floating around. Lots of things were superimposed over each other, and all Franco was doing throughout all of this was sitting on a couch and smiling about something he sees on the inside of his eyelids.
Anyway, so yeah, I’m done with James Franco. He can host as many awards shows as he wants, or sell Beanie Babies on the street, or make me paninis for the rest of my life. I’m still calling it quits.