Put your Aubrey Plaza face on, because I’ve got some bad news. In addition to Courteney Cox and David Arquette splitting up, it was announced today that Christina Aguilera and her husband, Jordan Bratman, have also been off the merry-go-round for a few months. They still don’t know if they’re going to get a divorce (it must be just like the process of deciding what shape to make your pancakes).
Aguilera started dating Bratman in 2002, and they got engaged in February of 2005. They married in November of 2005 in Napa Valley, which they probably would have upgraded and done it more outlandish and extravagant if they knew they were going to get divorced. Oh, pardon me. If they knew they were going to separate. Christina just finished filming Burlesque, which must prove Cher will rip your marriage away from you with as much effort as it takes for a snapping turtle to take one of your fingers. (It takes very little effort.)
ADDITIONALLY, Ben Harper is divorcing Laura Dern after five years of marriage. Not many other details are known about this split, other than they have two kids and Harper is asking the judge to deny Dern spousal support. Obviously this is a divorce trio, and obviously it means other divorce trios will feel pressure to come out of hiding and announce themselves. Which divorce trio will be the year’s best? Perhaps we’re going to need a pedestal.