Daily Shuffle: Lindsay Passed All Her Drug Tests

Lindsay LohanLilo is good to go, guys. She’s made it. She’s in the clear. Right? Well, for now anyway. Lohan’s proud papa just bragged to RadarOnline that his daughter has passed up to 10 drug and alcohol tests in the two weeks that she’s been out of the Betty Ford Center “with flying colors.” Note to Mr. Lohan, as happy as we are for Lilo and her new-found abstinence, you should know that we generally reserve that phrase for situations in which passing a test means your daughter stayed up all night studying the ancient Roman empire. -RadarOnline

• America’s sweethearts…er…okay, more like two really cute actors who were dating for a really short amount of time, SNL’s Jason Sudekis and Mad Men’s January Jones have split. They’ve announce they’re “done” but that they “could get back together.” Here’s a lesson from Hollywood royalty you two, if you’re going to split at all, split in a grand fashion, then let everyone get all excited when you get back together two weeks later. It’s called game; get some. -People

Piers Morgan has a new CNN talk show (and I’m still not sure why) and he’s already burning bridges. He released the list of people he refuses to chat with on his show. Chief among them are Madonna, Heather Mills, Howie Mandel (because he’s “too irritating”), Cherie Blair (wife of Tony Blair) and Keith Olberman (“just because it would really annoy him”). Okay dude, most of America only knows you as a judge on some silly talent contest, are you really going to start being picky about who’s on your show? This early in the game you should count yourself lucky to have Howie Mandel as a guest, besides who else can tell you about the effect of sexy ladies and numbered suitcases on America’s youth? -Vulture

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.

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