5 Reasons We’re Super Excited for David Beckham to Retire from Soccer

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Today, May 16, 2013, will forever be known as the day that David Beckham, Posh Spice’s husband who sometimes kicks around a ball, retired from soccer. This is his final season as a midfielder, a position I know as much about as the Vice Undersecretary of the Interior. But don’t get too sad. The marketing genius won’t have anything to do, but remain one of the most recognizable names in the world. What does that mean? More advertising! And what does more ads mean? More shirtless pictures three stories high adorning all the world’s landmarks! Happy retirement, David. Now get naked and get back to work. 

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After getting his master's degree in poetry, Senior Writer Brian Moylan started writing about television and pop culture for Gawker, The Guardian, The Washington Blade and a few other reputable publications. Brian has an honorary PhD in “Jersey Shore” studies from the University of Chicago. He's shared his often hilarious views about the tube on VH1, MSNBC, TV Guide Channel, MTV (Canada), BBC radio, and NPR. He can usually be found at his apartment in New York yelling at the TV and dodging calls from Real Housewives. He is a Taurus and likes long walks on the beach, fried chicken, and almost every reality television program ever created (especially “The Swan”).