Debate Advice for Obama from Hollywood’s 7 Most Inspirational Coaches

Barack Obama

For everyone disappointed with President Barack Obama‘s performance in the first round of presidential debates, you seem to be forgetting a simple fact inherent in any cinematic competition: whoever loses the first round always nabs the victory in the end. Look at the Mighty Ducks, the Average Joes, the Washington Sentinels: all first-round losers who came up big by the rolling of the credits.

Yes, this might be a truth confined to the reality of the big screen, but let’s face it — movies are better than real life. And if Barack Obama aligns himself with this universal maxim, he might indeed be in for a victorious next round in the presidential debates. Of course, he’s going to need some help. According to The Hollywood Reporter, several of the democratic candidate’s supporters have vocalized an interest in coaching the POTUS for his future face-offs with opponent Mitt Romney. But perhaps Obama will need a different kind of help. Help from the sort of forces who have pulled together the likes of professional athlete rejects, rapscallion youths, the uncoordinated attendees of rinky-dink gymnasia, or four Jamaican guys to achieve some of the greatest victories in human history. (Or at least fictional human history… but again, which is better?)

So who might be able to help the Pres make it all the way to state/earn his name on the Urbania water tower/win a spot on the Notre Dame Fighting Irish? Here are a few great men who are up to the challenge. Of course, some of them might have to change a few of their usual talking points to make their motivational speeches a bit more relevant…

Irv Blitzer from Cool Runnings“Winning a presidential debate is about one thing: the push-start. Now, I know you dainty, little senators think you’re fast. Well, let’s see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound economy. Now a respectable unemployment rate is five-point-seven percent. If you can’t whip off an even six flat, you have a better chance of becoming a municipal alderman.”

Danny O’Shea from Little Giants“Who said you had to be good to run a country? You run a country because you want to. You run a country because it’s fun. You run a country so you could pretend you’re James Monroe writing a doctrine, or Dwight Eisenhower going for a long war. And even if those republicans are better than you, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves … one time.”Jimmy McGinty from The Replacements“All right, Obama. Listen up. There are some who will say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten, that you’re not a real American, that this isn’t a real country. And I say that’s bulls***. Because as of four years ago, you’re a professional world leader. You’re being paid to lead, and I want to you to remember that, because the men whose places you’ve taken, like Taft, forgot that a long time ago. Let’s bring it in. Let’s play some democracy.” Herb Brooks from Miracle“Great moments are born from great opportunity. And that’s what you have here tonight, Obama. That’s what you have earned here tonight. One debate. If you debated ‘em 10 times, they might win nine. But not this debate. Not tonight. Tonight, you argue with ’em. Tonight, you counter their foreign policies, and you shut them down because you can! Tonight, you are the greatest presidential candidate in the world. You were born to be President. You were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Their time is done; it’s over*. I’m sick and tired of hearing about what a great candidate the republicans have. Screw ‘em. This is your time! Now go out there and take it!”

*Kind of confusing since Barack Obama is the standing president and Mitt Romney the challenger, but hey… that’s politics.Mickey from Rocky“You’re gonna eat the deficit, and you’re gonna crap jobs!”

Bonus: commenting specifically on Obama’s mention of his 20 year anniversary to Michelle during the first round of debates: “Women weaken legs!”Gordon Bombay from The Mighty Ducks“Have you ever seen a flock of ducks flying in perfect formation? It’s beautiful. Pretty awesome the way they all stick together. Ducks never say die. Ever seen a duck fight? No way. Why? Because the other animals are afraid. They know that if they mess with one duck, they gotta deal with the whole flock.” (No edits necessary)Fortune from Rudy“You’re six feet nothin’. A hundred and somethin’. And hardly have a spec of presidential ability. And you hung in with the best governmental administration in the land for four years. And you’re going to walk out of here with a White House commemorative tote bag. In this lifetime, you don’t have to prove nothing to nobody except yourself. And after what you’ve gone through, if you haven’t done that by now, it ain’t gonna never happen.”Whatever your stance, you can’t help but feel the magic of an inspiring sports movie speech. As such, this might be just what Obama would need to clinch his upcoming debate against former Gov. Romney. Who knows? If he does call upon the likes of Coaches Blitzer, O’Shea, Bombay, and Brooks, he might very well win just one for the Gipper. Reagan played him — it works on both levels!

[Photo Credit: Mark Wilson/Getty Images]


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