This week, Donald Trump got into a fight with pretty much everyone (including maybe you?). The Apprentice host and owner of many an extravagant building had a few choice words for the public in preparation for his appearance at a Mitt Romney 2012 Presidential campaign fundraiser. Trump, a former presidential candidate (a-hyuck) himself, firmly believes that the wheels of conspiracy regarding the Barack Obama presidency began turning a very, very long time ago, even though the state of Hawaii confirmed the president’s authenticity. In a completely shocking twist, some people have taken issue with his “birther” ideals on both sides of the great political divide, and decided this was definitely the week to hash it all out publicly.
First up we have Donald Trump vs. George Will. Will, a pundit on the conservative side of things, questioned why anyone would want to be seen with Ole Comb-Over (or it is a Comb-Back?) given his controversial stance even within the Republican Party. IN an interview with ABC’s This Week, Will explained that he does not “understand the cost-benefit here. The Costs are clear. The benefit — what voter is going to vote for him because he is seen with Donald Trump? The cost of appearing with this bloviating ignoramus is obvious, it seems. Donald Trump is redundant evidence that if your net worth is high enough, your IQ can be very low and you can still intrude into American politics.” Damn, you want some aloe for that burn, Trump? Trump fired back on Twitter, explaining that he found Mr. Will to be “the dumbest (and most overrated) political commentator of all time. If the Republicans listen to him, they will lose.” Which, I mean, doesn’t quite have the same punch as ‘bloviating ignoramus’ — but what really could, you know? Will: 1, Trump: 0.
But that’s not all, folks! Trumpelstiltskin also decided to spin his golden rage at CNN’s resident old kitten, Wolf Blitzer. Right off the bat, Trumpsie has an issue with his introduction, calling it “highly inappropriate” before traipsing off on a tangent about what he was really there to talk about (which he never once tried to steer the conversation towards. Do with that what you will). After Blitzer explained that the state of Hawaii confirmed the President’s certificate and subsequent local paper birth announcements as authentic, Trump continued on his rant, explaining that “many people” still do not believe the authenticity of the birth certificate, and that allegedly, people would put fake birth announcements in local papers all the time to try and forge an American birth. Trump, never one to be subtle, then said that if our buddy Wolf had reported the story “accurately,” that he would get better ratings — you know, like The Apprentice-style ratings bonanzas! Blitzer foughts back, though, telling Trump “you’re beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.” The two continued to get nowhere in their argument before Blitzer ended the interview with the telltale signs of a high-road taker “I think we’re going to disagree on this whole issue, but that, of course, is your right to do so. My right as well.” Blitzer: 1, Trump: 0.
Trump went back to his penthouse in the sky, staring out at the Hudson River into the depths of New Jersey, caressing the gold filigree and marble that adorned every centimeter of his home. He knew that these bullies were just that — big ole meanie idiot bullyfaces, and that with a view up this high, how could he be wrong? Na-nah-nah-boo-boo.
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