Good day, dear listeners and readers.
The second top-rated podcast on iTunes right now after This American Life isn’t RadioLab. It’s not Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me or The Moth. It’s Welcome to Night Vale, a serialized science fiction created by members of the New York City theater group The Neo-Futurists. The independently-produced show takes the form of a nightly newscast, where the ‘Voice of Night Vale’ Cecil Baldwin calmly details the regular goings-on of a day in town: the current whereabouts of the mysterious glow cloud; the disappearance of an entire PTA meeting; or how a group of hooded figures set up shop in the brand new dog park, to which you and your pup should never, ever go. While part of the fun and drama of the show is that the weird is described and not seen, someone must be looking at these numbers and plotting a movie version. Here’s our dream cast.
Matt Bomer as “Cecil Baldwin”
He’s got the perfect voice for radio and the looks to fulfill every Cecil fan’s cinematic dream. It’s really not fair.
Rodrigo Santoro as “Carlos”
Cecil is quite taken with visiting, mysterious scientist Carlos — especially his beautiful, perfect hair. Our film version has to live up to the newsman’s gushing descriptions, so Santoro is the guy.
Helen Slayton-Hughes as “Old Woman Josie”
That’s Ethel Beavers, to Parks and Recreation fans. We like Helen for kind soul Josie, who tolerates the Angels who’ve taken up residence in her house.
Randy Quaid as “The Apache Tracker”
Cecil constantly expresses disgust for the man, who wears “cartoonishly offensive Native American headdress” and claims to be much more in touch with the spiritual world than he actually is. This just seems fair.
Ellen Page as “Intern Dana”
We know the Juno star can do plucky. So she’s perfect for Dana, the intern who somehow manages to survive while many of her peers disappear or die all manner of violent deaths.