2003’s Freddy vs. Jason was the biggest showdown of horror icons since 1962’s King Kong vs. Godzilla. Suddenly two slasher film titans were pitted against one another in a battle to the death…an interesting matchup, as no one else seemed to be capable of offing either one of them.
With the impending release of Platinum Dune’s remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, I began to imagine other horror villains that might offer a suitable adversarial challenge for Freddy Krueger.
Freddy vs. Michael Myers
Much of this list is going to seem predicated on lazily plugging horror killer “x” into a match with Freddy. But if we imagine this list as one epic battle royale wherein Freddy must tangle with villain after villain until only one boogeyman remains, Michael makes a great transition. Freddy has already battled a big, lumbering, mute serial killer in Jason, which serves as adequate preparation for matching blades with the Haddonfield madman. I’m sure, as in Freddy vs. Jason, that Krueger will launch insult after insult at Myers, questioning his cognitive faculties, while Michael will stoically withstand a good deal of injury. Jason Vorhees and Michael Myers are fairly comparable opponents as they both grew freakishly, and inexplicably, more powerful with every defeat and subsequent sequel. What made the battle between Freddy and Jason so much fun to watch was the juxtaposition between Freddy’s hyper-active magic and Jason’s superman-like killing strokes.
Winner: Freddy.
Michael has not had as many sequels as Jason to buildup his hellish brutality.
Freddy vs. Chucky
Let me state right off that I despise the Child’s Play films. But I would be remiss if I didn’t consider the psychotic doll as a potential opponent. First of all, Chucky and Freddy same a common bond in that they were both reprehensible people in life that evolved into even more sinister harbingers of evil after being executed for their crimes. Fred Krueger was a child murderer who was burned alive by the parents of Elm Street while Charles Lee Ray was a serial killer whose soul found purchase in a Good Guy doll. Beyond the commonalities they share, the juxtaposition in size would make for an entertaining match. I can see Freddy losing his mind trying to catch the spry little doll as it skitters behind cabinets and boilers, occasionally jumping onto Krueger’s back to get in a few stabs.
Winner: Freddy.
While possessing some regenerative powers, Chucky is essentially just a murderous child.
Freddy vs. Patrick Bateman
American Psycho spotlighted a new icon of slasherdom (or did it?) and Patrick Bateman is now a figure seared into our consciousness whenever we listen to Phil Collins. Immediately, this matchup will smack of fallacy. Bateman is a suave, sophisticated sociopath while Freddy is a failed standup comic with razor fingers and insomnia. But I believe Bateman’s tenacity for evil would shake even the evil dream master to his core. Bateman represents Freddy’s maniacal superior and, especially if elements from the book were incorporated, I don’t know that Freddy would know what to do with Patrick.
Winner: Bateman.
Besides the rare occasions when Bateman sleeps, the content of his nightmares would be far worse than anything Freddy could dream up.
Freddy vs. Pinhead
The interesting thing about a match between Freddy and the demonic pain maestro of the Hellraiser series is that he’s the only one on my list with actual supernatural powers. Sure, there is nothing particularly human about Jason being able to survive demise after demise, but Pinhead actually possesses and utilizes dark magic, as does Freddy. These two are all about torture, Pinhead with hooks and skin-ripping and Freddy with his bag of murderously bad puns. Most of what happens to Pinhead’s victims plays out visually like a nightmare sequence, so I think it works.
Winner: Pinhead.
He gets the edge only because the other Cenobites can gang up on Freddy.
Freddy vs. Freud
If the world’s foremost psychoanalytical therapist seems an odd choice, it’s because it is. But if there is one thing that may drive Freddy to madness, it’s some sex-obsessed Austrian trying to interpret each and every one of his dream sequences. Are Freddy’s long, bladed fingers a compensation for feelings of inadequacy in the bedroom? Plus, Freud had an entire section of his jaw removed due to throat cancer so he would easily be as scary to look at as Freddy.
Winner: Freud
Freddy’s power is predicated on fear and Freud championed the idea that the death instinct was just as innate as the sex drive. He would therefore not be afraid of Krueger. Once weakened, Freddy would have the tar beaten out of him by the scrappy psychotherapist.
