George Clooney Vs. Leonardo DiCaprio — Whose Side Are You On?

George Clooney esquire interviewCinzia Camela/WENN

With his recent interview in Esquire, George Clooney has all but declared war on fellow superstar Leonardo DiCaprio. In the piece, Clooney shares some astute observations about the nature of fame and staying grounded… but what’s far more interesting is the not-baseless insults he tosses DiCaprio’s way — particularly when it comes to their dueling pickup basketball teams. “We’re all like fifty years old, and we beat them three straight: 11–0, 11–0, 11–0. And the discrepancy between their game and how they talked about their game made me think of how important it is to have someone in your life to tell you what’s what. I’m not sure if Leo has someone like that.” 

Way to throw down the Citibike-shaped gaunlet, Clooney. Now, there’s only one question — Which side to take? Let’s see how each star measures up in hopes of deciding who to root for. But before that, let’s look at our two competitors.

In the Old Hollywood Corner, we have GEORGE CLOONEY, serial dater, salt-and-pepper haired, former TV star aquaintance of Obama. 

Aaaaaaaand in the Aging Playboy corner, we have LEONARDO DICAPRIO, goatee haver, Smartcar investor, and terrible Boston accent…er.  

Now, let’s see how they measure up in the key celebrity categories:

Basketball Team: No brainer, clearly it’s CLOONEY.
Ex-Girlfriends/Taste in Women: Hmm, both tend to disappoint with their dating choices (why must you and Sandy Bullock tease us so, Clooney? Why?!), but while Blake Lively is pretty bad, foisting Elisabetta Cannalis on us was worse. Calling this category in favor of DICAPRIO.  
Houses in Lake Como: Draw. 
Oscar Season: Clooney gets extra points for writing and directing his entry, The Monuments Men, but scheduling trouble has pushed it putting him behind DiCaprio’s latest Scorsese collaboration and Christmas release The Wolf of Wall Street. However, Clooney also produced surefire nominee August: Osage County — but, that film is distributed by Harvey Weinstein, who seems intent on screwing with his films left and right. DICAPRIO.
Oscar Possession: Despite DiCaprio’s best efforts, he did not gain weight to change his movie-star looks to that of an unwashed terrorist in Syriana. CLOONEY.
Director Buddies: DiCaprio works on a near-constant basis with Martin Scorsese, but Clooney has to take the prize for diversifying to include not just the Coen Brots, but Steven Soderbergh, Wes Anderson, and himself. Shake it up, Leo! CLOONEY.
Je Ne Sais Quoi: Hmm. Keep in mind that the whole idea of this category is that no justification is needed — DICAPRIO.
Posse: Lucas Haas, Tobey Maguire, and Kevin Connelly versus Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, JK, LOL. CLOONEY
Marital Status: Draw.

So far, looks like a pretty even matchup. This could become a long, drawn out conflict that both Clooney and DiCaprio would no doubt host a fundraiser to end. Still, whose side are you on?