‘Jersey Shore’ Cast: Where Are They Now?

It feels like quite a long time since our eyes have been assaulted with a fist pump, a GTL session, or a conversation on the infamous duck phone. And in truth, it has! The last time we saw the Jersey Shore members in their native habitat was in December – almost 8 months ago! Nobody’s meant to go that long without a pouf or a night slamming shots from a neon glowing test tube on the beach. It goes against the genetic components of our species.

But luckily for us, the last 8 months of our lives haven’t been completely devoid of the shore and its mysteriously colored dwellers. In fact, we’ve seen them in quite a few places! Let’s take a look at how each member of the shore has grown, and sometimes, even taken steps off in their own directions.

We’ll start with arguably the show’s biggest star, The Situation. Since the first season of the show ended, the Situation began the process of releasing his own ab workout DVD, so he could make the abdominals even more popular than when Videodrome was released. Filming the DVD has wrapped and now the Sitch is pursuing a career as a rapper (the song below, we can hopefully assume, was just practice) and is looking to perform in a duet with Enrique Iglesias — who, totally randomly and surprisingly, is a fan of the show. In his spare time, the Sitch supervises a group of major nerds called “lawyers” who assist him in trademarking his nickname, relives his glory days on an MTV show called “When I Was 17,” and tries and figure out how he can spin his life into a fantastic story like Princess Diana, but without having to die first. (It’s not me saying that…it’s him!)

Our dear Snooki is pretty busy, too. She’s become a spokeswoman for TWO products: Dr. Siegel’s heavenly Cookie Diet – which has helped her lose 10 pounds – and for Sunlove Tanning’s and goos and lathers. Additionally, when she’s not holding photo shoots with her significant juicehead in Rockefeller Center, she’s trademarking her name so she can release a series of books that may or may not be more entertaining than any of R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps. She’s also about to come out with some hair products, which even though is her most boring endeavor, will probably give her the most bank.

JWoww is joyfully skipping down the road of skankified couture. Her line, called Filthy Courture, can be bought online and can be shipped so its delivery coincides with your the arrival of your Penis Gummies and that “massager” that you’ll swear to your mother is just for your neck. She’s also penned (or posed for Maxim while someone else wrote it) called Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore, because it wasn’t already clear when Ronnie K.O.ed that guy on the boardwalk.

Pauly D. and his Italian flag bedazzled Macbook Pro have hosted numerous events in NYC (in January he spun at Sutton Place and he’s had several dance parties since then) and he’s even come out with his own uplifting tune, “Beat Dat Beat,” as heard below. At the moment that I’m writing this, it does not have a spot on iTunes’ Top 200 Singles chart. But some intern probably screwed it up and I bet they’re fixing it as we speak, because how can a nominee for the award “America’s Best DJ” not have a coveted spot?

Ronnie hasn’t done much. He has, however, capitalized on the book that he and JWoww released.

Sammi hasn’t exactly been collecting sweat on her brow in back-to-back business meetings, either.

Angelina, who I can’t decide if is important to the show or not but I’m leaning towards not, told Radar Online she’s following in Pauly D. and the Situation’s footsteps by recording a song called “All About Me.” She’s also developing an iPhone app, called “Score a Shore Girl.” You know, because they have standards that not everyone knows about.

And last but not least, Vinny still plans on heading off to Yale or Harvard to learn about law. How boring.