Justin Bieber peed in a mop bucket at a New York City restaurant. Unfortunately, this isn’t another one of Jimmy Kimmel’s Lie Witness News stories, but something that actually happened — and TMZ has the video footage to prove it.
The video shows Bieber standing over a yellow industrial custodial device while his entourage eggs him on and the restaurant staff watches in horror.
There’s got to be a logical explanation for this, right? Because if the bathroom was down the hall and Bieber has a normal 19-year-old’s bladder control capabilities, surely that would be the preferable place for one to relieve oneself.
Here’s what must have happened:
Early in the morning of the fateful misplaced urination, young Bieber feels a cold coming on. This would prove a disaster, because he has a concert that night and, after that one time he puked on stage (which people are still chuckling over), he knows he has to be in tip-top condition. So, Bieber orders one of his peons to bring him a liter of Emergen-C-infused water every hour on the hour. Liquids being the best way to stave off the virus, of course.
After a day of water guzzling, Bieber is feeling pretty darn good. Phew! He and his crew pile into their gigantic white Range Rover with purple leather seats to head to the concert venue. But holy moly, the traffic is terrible! It’s gridlock all down 5th Avenue, and for every minute the car sits idle, the pressure builds in the poor Biebs’ bladder. Until, finally, he just can’t take it anymore. The car pulls over at a fancy-looking club they pass, which they figure must have a nice clean bathroom for Bieber to use.
When they arrive at the club, however, they are mobbed by fans. Scooter Braun stupidly tweets a photo of the club’s sign as the troupe walks in, so legions of tween girls know right where to find their idol. As Bieber tries to make his way to the toilet, girls swarm the club like the super zombies in World War Z — he is trapped.
The club’s heroic manager comes to his rescue, ushering Bieber and his gang, through a series of secret passageways designed for just this purpose, to the restaurant kitchen behind the club, where he knows an industrial mop bucket resides. Bieber arrives at the receptacle just as his liquid waste has reached its critical mass and… crisis averted.
And then, Bieber grabbed a spray bottle and proclaimed, “F**k Bill Clinton!” Now, there’s got to be a logical explanation for that…