Going the way of forgotten industries like video rental, print journalism, and coming up with third things, is a beloved friend to whom we hoped we’d never have to say goodbye: karaoke. After eons of providing an acceptable next stop for three-sheets-to-the-wind work friends dreading a return home to their significant others after a happy hour that lasted just a few dozen rounds longer than expected, the time-honored staple of intoxicated joy is suffering a significant blow in the form of the prohibition of music by some of its most important contributors. As reported by Flavorwire, impassioned songsmiths will no longer be able to revel in the the whiskey-addled wonders of Bon Jovi, Adele, or Dave Grohl, as the artists have decided not to license permission to use their music for karaoke sessions.
Which, effectively, cuts our song selection in half. No more full room explosions into “Livin’ on a Prayer.” No more post-breakup beltings of “Someone Like You.” No more acerbic renditions of “You Give Love a Bad Name,” or “It’s My Life.” Oh, and Dave Grohl… that’s also a bummer. Anyway, what does this new gutting robbery leave us with?
Well, as history proves, the only remaining songs that anyone ever karaokes are Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” or the song from Rent where Idina Menzel and the other lady yell at each other for a while. But man cannot live on midnight trains and Broadway love squabbles alone! We’ll need replacements for Adele’s empowering ballad and the raspy stylings of a long-haired New Jerseyan. As such, we turn to the leading authority on finding artists passably similar to the artists we actually want to listen to: Pandora.
According to the site, if we’re gearing up to churn out some Adele on a crowded two-for-Tuesday night, we can settle on Rihanna, Bruno Mars, Christina Perri, or Pink. Standing in for Bon Jovi, Pandora suggests Guns N’ Roses, Def Leppard, Bryan Adams, and, of course, Journey. So there we go! Not totally at a loss! We can still delay our inebriated unions with spouses and fiancés on those nights that got away from us and could only be appropriately capped off with the sort of slurred Tazmanian Devil roar that passes for singing in our beloved karaoke community. Perhaps this isn’t the end to our favorite pastime after all! Perhaps in fact, we will survive.
Oh, there’s another good one!