Levi Johnston Gets Hitched in Big Fat Redneck Wedding (We Imagine)

Levi JohnstonEveryone’s favorite Alaskan playboy has gotten married, and for once I wish I had all the details. Usually, the deluge of coverage following a Hollywood union is all a bit much. How many people were there? What did the dress look like? What kind of cake did they have? What color was the bride’s underwear!? It’s simply more than I can handle. But, you guys, in my imagination the Levi Johnston/Sunny Oglesby nuptials were the best thing to hit Alaska since the Klondike Gold Rush of 1896. Just imagine what glorious backwoods festivities this couple, who named their daughter after a firearms manufacturer, would put on?

TMZ has provided the first, mouthwatering glimpse at the redneck glory of the Johnston/Oglesby wedding by publishing what they report is the real-life invitation. And oh what a thing of beauty it is. I spy with my little eye not one, but two typos. First is the couple’s unique spelling of the word “families.” The misplaced vowel, especially paired with the handwriting font, had me momentarily envisioning the tastiest wedding in history. You see, I thought Levi and Sunny were presenting their wedding together with “tamales.”

Example No. 2 of why it’s always good to ask someone to proofread important documents is the phrase, “Request the pleasure of your company as we join marriage.” Join marriage? Is “Marriage” a person now? Did Marriage get to bring a plus one to the ceremony? Did Marriage want the chicken or steak — or elk? — for dinner?

The only other tidbits we have about this illustrious affair are that over 100 friends and family members were present at the ceremony in Wasilla, Alaska, but Johnston’s son with Bristol Palin, Tripp, couldn’t make it (thanks E! for that one). And frankly, that’s just not enough for me. What music did they play at the reception? Did the couple use a dog sled as the getaway vehicle? Did the guests play Pin the Target on Moose? I want to know everything.

Oh, Us did provide this one last detail: “Johnston is said to have sweated profusely during the event.”

Follow Abbey Stone on Twitter @abbeystone

[Photo Credit: Twitter]


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Celebrity Editor Abbey Stone hails from the fair isle of Martha's Vineyard, a lovely, vaguely dinosaur-shaped spot of land located off the coast of Cape Cod, MA, that is best known for exporting preppy salmon-colored pants. But the bright lights of New York City beckoned, and Abbey was lured away from her coastal haven to attend Barnard College. She graduated in 2010 with a degree in English and a much less useful minor in Dance. Abbey has been published in Dance Magazine, The Huffington Post, Time Out New York, and Popstar! magazine (where she learned more than she ever wanted to know about Justin Bieber). Abbey now lives in Brooklyn, where she spends her days watching stupid Internet videos and reading pretentious books.