TMZ reported today that Lindsay Lohan is being investigated for physically assaulting a person who works at the Betty Ford Clinic. If found guilty, she could go back to jail because the probation she was placed under in 2007 (when she was charged with a DUI — I’m not sure which one) doesn’t expire until August of next year, and the terms stipulate that she must “obey all laws,” which obviously doesn’t include bitch slapping the candystripers. Therefore, if Lindsay is found guilty of battery against this person (who probably smiles all day long and is courteous enough to wear unsexy shoes to work that don’t make annoying noises on hardwood floors, even though she’s surrounded by celebrities), it will be considered a violation of her probation and a judge will have to determine a punishment…which could be a 180-day stint in jail.
People describes that the staffer had some stern words with Lindsay when she returned to the facility later than she was supposed to after spending the evening at a bar. Nobody knows whether or not she was drinking, but Lindsay is said to have reacted by pushing the clinic employee when she was asked why she broke her curfew. If Lindsay really did react with a shove towards this staffer, it means she was drunk because a person only acts on their Girl, Interrupted impulses when their thoughts of walking extra hard on the newly-cleaned floor so they can lick the alcohol off from the bottom of their shoes (when they’re safely in their rooms) have been interrupted.