I am confused! Isn’t anyone else confused by all this “oh, she could go to jail, but she could also be forced to ride a horse without a saddle and naked for the rest of her life and OH THE CHAFING! But she could also just go back to rehab also?” stuff that Lindsay’s dysfunction has introduced into our lives? It’s almost like “enough is enough already,” but then we’d rely on Joan Rivers too much and asking her to be useful more than one night a year isn’t fair to her.
Anyway, Lindsay Lohan went to court this morning for failing those two drug tests back in September. The D.A. wanted her to get sentenced to 180 days in jail, but all the judge cared about was Lindsay spending new year’s eve in rehab..which, quite frankly, sounds good because all new year’s eve plans are overrated and it’s always impossible to get anywhere and there’s never enough alcohol, and everything’s terrible so it’s like you’re in rehab anyway. After reaching this conclusion, the judge apparently looked at Lindsay directly and said “you are an addict. I hope you understand that.” Lindsay nodded in agreement because it is true and she hadn’t painted a better response on her fingernails.
So she went back to the Betty Ford Center, where she’ll continue trying to understand how lifting up a horse’s hoof can apply to her and her serenity level. OR maybe back to organizing the chicken bones she keeps under her bed. Who knows what’s happening in Betty Ford! Do you think she’s meeting with her drug counselor and actually talking to him about things? Who is responsible for getting her better? Does he go home to his wife and say to her, “man, this turkey you made for dinner is delicious and give me the corn but Lindsay is crazier than whoever named their kid Parker Posey?” I know Lindsay’s probably planning on writing a book about her experiences in rehab, but her counselor should seriously open up for Stewart and Colbert at the rallies in DC.