First, Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 says in jail and then 90 days in a rehab facility for failing to comply with the terms of her parole. Then, after flipping off the judge and attempting to convince her she did exactly as she was told and maintained she only strapped drugs to donkeys and marched them to Vegas on weekends, it was reported she would only serve 23 days in jail, due to the overcrowding of California jails and the relative insignificance of her crimes (compared to murderers and rapists, that is). But today, we’ve heard rumors she’ll be out of there and breathing fresh air (or, breathing as much as her two packs a day lungs will allow her to) even sooner! In fact, Lindsay’s old lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, said she could be released as soon as the end of the month. Cue the trombones, fame whores!
Holley said, “it’s our expectation that Ms. Lohan will get additional time credit from her earlier times in custody and that will reduce her jail time.”
To which I think we can collectively add: what “additional credit?” It’s not like she beat the computer player in Mortal Kombat and was given more lives to use when she went up against the transparent dude in the next level! Technically, the “additional credit” will come from the time she was in jail for a whopping 84 minutes in 2007. But how can that count towards anything? And why should it? What’s the point of sentencing her to 90 days if the courts keep coming up with reasons for why she shouldn’t serve 90 days? And why in a child’s belief in Santa should her previous 84 minutes in jail count for a sentence that’s already been reduced by at least three quarters?
But this is one of those things we have no control over, LIKE WHEN THE REPAIRMAN’S SUPPOSED TO COME TO FIX A DISHWASHER! She’ll be out soon enough, and then we’ll all go back to complaining how she’s stealing all the chocolate chip cookies on first-class flights and drinking all the Svedka before we can get our hands on it. Just like old times.