My dream is to become famous enough that New York Magazine asks me to fill out one of those questionnaires about myself. I’ve spent lots of time figuring out how I’d respond to questions like, “what is the trait you most deplore in yourself?” (Irrationality.) Up until today, my answer for “what keeps you up at night” was going to be “Megan Fox‘s skinny body,” but after reading Fox’s trainer’s statement about how she, just, STRUGGLES to gain weight, I am looking forward to getting a great night’s sleep tonight because I can finally rest assured THAT SHE US JUST LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WHO EATS AND EATS AND EATS AND GAINS NO WEIGHT.
A while back, Megan Fox appeared in some ads for Armani. Not much attention was paid to the clothes, however, because Fox spent most of the time hovering over and flexing her ribcage the way you or I flex a bicep when opening a pickle jar. Her skinniness — even though we’d seen it before — seemed a bit shocking, and so the debate of whether or not Megan Fox is anorexic resurrected itself. But this time, Fox’s trainer, Harley Pasternak, has come to her defense and says she’s just so skinny because her metabolism is really fast and she is, actually, “far from anorexic.” He described the way he trains Fox as focusing on “toning and sculpting,” and making sure “she’s eating enough of the right things.” He continued, “She gets frustrated at times because she’s like, ‘I need to put on weight.’ So she actually weight-trains to keep on that lean muscle tissue.”
HAHA! So, do you guys feel bad for Megan Fox and her body that refuses to absorb the nutrients she’s supposedly overloading it with? Do you believe that someone can truly feel their skinniness as a burden? And not just an “ugh, I have to drop this in a mailbox today” burden, but more like a “STOP EATING MY SHIT, DOG!” burden? And MY GOD. GAINING WEIGHT BY LIFTING WEIGHTS? Yes, muscle tissue is heavier than fat, BLAH BLAH. I can already hear your comments. NO WAY. Maybe that’s how Willow Smith works out, but someone normal (like a person who can walk in to their local pizza place and be greeted by name) should tell Megan Fox that you put on weight by doing the opposite of what you do when you’re trying to lose it. And it’s certainly not by COMPLAINING TO A TRAINER THAT YOU EMPLOY, BTW.