Miranda Kerr (who’s quite pretty and who’s modeled in a trillion Victoria’s Secret fashion shows and appeared in countless lingerie catalogs but who kind of looks like Oblina from Ahh! Real Monsters!) is pregnant! She just married Orlando Bloom two nanoseconds ago, and now we might know why! It’s because she’s about to bless the universe with a model pirate! (Get it?! It’s not even Friday!) She’s telling all her model friends, one of whom said, “She poses in lingerie. It’ll be obvious soon enough.” Subtle!
Do you know who else is pregnant? Christina Applegate! She and her fiancé Martyn Lenoble dated two years before becoming engaged this past Valentine’s Day, and are now making late night runs to Chipotle. The two met after Christina had a double mastectomy, from which Martyn helped her recover. She’s said “‘m very grateful to Martyn for coming along at a time that he did because he’s been my rock through all of this. He gave me something to really want to live for and something to smile about,” which is quite nice now because she’s pregnant, and that’s a little thing we in the English language like to call “forshadowing.”
But do you know who else is pregnant? Emily Procter! In the past, she’s been quoted saying she “can’t wait” to get pregnant, so it’s sweet that she and her partner Paul Bryan, are finally expecting. E Online reports Procter already knows the sex of the baby, but isn’t telling which is not really that much fun for us. But she’s the one who’s going to have the stretchmarks, so maybe keeping it a secret will cancel out the unpleasantness that’s expected in that area. As for her job on CSI: Miami, the writers aren’t planning on incorporating the pregnancy into the show. So bring on the briefcases and random pillows that don’t belong to a sofa or a bed!
And finally, Doutzen Kroes is also pregnant. She’s a Victoria’s Secret model also, and like the rest of them, she’s totally thrilled! She and fiancé DJ Sunnery James are only three months in and their heads are already “in the clouds.” Kroes plans to keep modeling until she’s closer to her due date because Heidi Klum and Adrianna Lima made it the only thing to do that’s cooler than embroidering “pink lady” on to the back of a member’s only jacket.