Ugh, guys, it happened again. No, Lindsay Lohan hasn’t gone to jail, Mel Gibson hasn’t gone on some half-mad rampage, and Ryan Seacrest hasn’t closed a deal to produce yet another cable reality show. No, some silly starlet has gone and posed in the “Demi.” You know the pose — the naked pregnant pose with the arms over the breast and the hand blocking the crotch that Demi Moore and Annie Leibovitz made famous on the cover of Vanity Fair in 1991. Yes, we all know it. Now everyone needs to stop copying it forever!
The latest offender is model and Victoria Secret “angel” Alessandra Ambrosio, who posted this photo on Facebook of her in the offending position. First of all, damn, that is one tiny baby bump. Secondly, this is about the hackiest, most trite, over-used pose that a pregnant woman could think of. Just stop. As evidenced by its ability to bear children, the human body is a many-splendored thing. There must be some other configuration of body and limbs and light and diaphanous curtains that you could employ to show off the body and the bump without having to resort to something that’s copied more than a bootleg version of The Hunger Games at a Chinatown DVD factory.
Seriously, Jessica Simpson just ripped off the pose for the cover of ELLE last month, and every celebrity with a fetus and an exhibitionist streak has tried it. We’ve seen Mariah Carey, Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Nia Long, Claudia Schiffer, and Miranda Kerr all do their take on the “Demi.” We’ve even seen it spoofed 18 years ago as the poster for Naked Gun 33 1/3 and earlier this year on the cover of New York magazine.
This is it. I’m calling for a moratorium on this photo for all time. No more “Demi”s. For all the celebrities and photo directors out there who think they can revive the pose, remember this: The original shot was done in 1991. That is 21 years ago. That is so old. The little bun in that oven now looks like this and has her own band and a Twitter account. Being pregnant is supposed to make a woman look beautiful, young, and vital. Posing on the “Demi” doesn’t do that. It makes her look old, dated, and hackneyed. So, stop it, starlets. You’re even embarrassing the unborn baby.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan