Oprah’s Secret Is Revealed

oprah winfreyOn today’s Oprah show, the billionaire with the capacity to eat 30 pounds of macaroni and cheese will reveal one more way that she’s just like the rest of us: she has a half-sister named Patricia that she didn’t know about!

According to Reuters, Oprah will say, “It is true that my mother, my mother Vernita is also Patricia’s birth mother. This means Patricia is my half-sister who I never knew existed.” She clarified on her own and without the help of Ancestry.com that Vernita gave Patricia up for adoption because she thought she wouldn’t be able to get off welfare if she had another child. Oprah said she had no idea her mother was pregnant with her half-sister because she was only 9 years-old and was living with her father.

However, this isn’t such an awesome secret because the truth is Oprah found out that she had a half-sister way back in 2007. She decided to keep it a secret because she was already on the cover of every National Enquirer for being an alien and for living inside Mount Rushmore, and she didn’t want this personal development to create a “media frenzy.” But it looks like she’s going to get one anyway because the Jets lost and there’s absolutely nothing else to talk about besides the topic of Kevin Smith‘s assholery.

Source: Reuters