Can you believe Paris Hilton is 30 years old? Don’t worry, she still manages to behave like a teenage girl. Even so, the hotel heiress who made “that’s hot” a staple of modern discourse and showed us the importance of carrying an accessory dog pitifully forced to wear some sparkly monstrosity of matching outfit has reached the threshold of real adulthood. You can explain away silly little things like a sex tape with Rick Salomon, a handful of nasty racial slurs, and multiple counts of reckless driving and DUIs as typical twenty-something mistakes right? Now that she’s a “mature” woman, Paris is determined to show us that she’s more than just some ditzy, privileged blonde. (Good luck, honey. Your recent “special” chapstick incident didn’t slip past anyone’s radar.)
Even so, Hilton’s hitting the reality television circuit yet again; this time with a new show for Oxygen. The New York Post reports that this show is going to be different. Right. No more searching for super, amazing (vapid, fame-hungry, desperate) best friends or road tripping with frenemies across the middle of the country and meeting, like, people who like, work or something. Nope. Hilton is done with all that fake reality television, she’s hoping to set the record straight. (Wait, you mean The Simple Life was staged? A fast food restaurant didn’t actually hire you to screw everything up and act like an idiot? You didn’t just accidentally happen upon that nudist colony? Mind: blown.)
Apparently the show won’t feature any footage of her drug arrest in Las Vegas (which sucks because that’s the only reason I’d want to watch it), but I’m guessing it will feature some of the aftermath. Boring!
The show can go one of two ways. Maybe it will premiere and we’ll find out that behind all that pink glitter Paris Hilton is actually a marketing mastermind who created one of the most profitable false personas in history (suck on that Joaquin Phoenix). However, experience shows – and by experience I mean an oversaturation of Paris Hilton media coverage from the minute that sex tape hit the internet back in 2003 – that Paris is exactly what we know her to be. Those other reality shows may have set up scenarios or dropped her into potentially interesting (I use that term loosely) situations, but Paris is very obviously exactly what she’s presented herself as for the last seven or so years. Like, a totally hot party girl, okay? Some reality show (now with more reality!) isn’t going to fix that.
Source: New York Post