Unhappy Hour: ‘Happy Endings’ in Danger, Baby Jolie-Pitt’s Paycheck & More Reasons to Drink

Happy Endings in Danger, Moves to Fridays

Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of Feb.11 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we’ll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week’s issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that’ll put hair on your chest. Here are the week’s entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.

Take It Easy With a Little Mulled Wine. What? It Has Fruit In It.

Happy Endings Can’t Catch a Break: Our favorite gaggle of Chicagoans can’t seem to find a spot that sticks in ABC’s lineup. Now, they’re occupying the death-slot: Friday nights. Pray for Penny and her a-mah-zing friends, people!

Lady Gaga Can’t Go On With Her Tour: But that just leaves us wondering, she was still on tour?

Once again, No One is Watching Community: Then again, if the NBC cult favorite was raking in huge ratings, we’d have to wonder what tragedy took place to settle out the balance.

Britney Might Have Milli-Vanilli’d “Scream and Shout”: Perhaps it’s time for another cleansing comeback?

Let Loose With a Girly Cocktail. We Won’t Tell Your Buddies About It.

Can Melissa McCarthy Please Get a Decent Role?: Our girl is hilarious, so why’s she stuck playing the same character over and over?

“Beiber Feuds” is Now a Legitimate News Beat: Really, Biebs? Now you’re fighting with The Black Keys? The Hamster League of America wasn’t enough for you?

We’re Still Having a Hard Time Admitting We Didn’t Like Frank Ocean’s Grammy Performance: We love you, Frank. But we’re just trying to forget your Grammys number happened.

This Poor Woman Gets Confused with Kim Kardashian “All The Time”: Kim Kashkashian won a Grammy, but the poor lady still has to tell people she’s not dating Kanye.

Nope. Throw in The Towel and Make Whatever You’re Drinking a Double.

Brangelina’s Daughter Probably Makes More Money Than You: Four-year-old Vivienne Jolie-Pitt reportedly raked in $3,000 a week for her work as Baby Aurora in Maleficent, and apparently, that shouldn’t surprise us.

Chubby Checker is No Longer The Man Who Gave Us “The Twist”: Unfortunately, Chubby now has to defend his good name thanks to a penis-measuring app that shares his name. Just think about it for a second.

Nicholas Sparks Says Gay Romance Isn’t Really His Genre: And that makes sense how?

Taylor Swift is Still An Obnoxious Awards Show Attendee: Look, we’re all about having fun at an awards show, but did Swifty really need to act like a 12-year-old at a Justin Bieber concert?

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[Photo Credit: ABC]

From Our Partners:

Bradley Cooper Dancing AwkwardBradley Cooper Dancing Is Surprisingly Awkward (Vh1) 

Kate Upton naked body paintKate Upton Bares All in Nothing But Body Paint (Celebuzz)

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.