Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of April 22 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we’ll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week’s issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that’ll put hair on your chest. Here are the week’s entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
Gimme a Piña Colada, I Want to Pretend It’s Summer Already
Just take the edge off.
Because Jennifer Lawrence was somehow not named People’s Most Beautiful Person in 2013. Gwyneth Paltrow nabbed the title in a seeming reprisal of the Bradley Cooper-Ryan Gosling debacle of 2011.
Mark Wahlberg doesn’t even know how funny he is. We have proof!
Speaking of Wahlberg, you might actually like his new movie. From Michael Bay. About body builders. Beating people up. In Florida. No, seriously. You’ll like it. Just read the review.
Let’s Just Go Straight for the Margaritas on the Rocks
This is worse than we thought. Loosen up, you need it.
Psy has another hit on his hands. So, thanks to this new song, we can expect that dancing pistachio to keep playing during episodes of American Idol. Wonderful.
Gwyneth not only stole the People’s Most Beautiful title, she stole the show on the Iron Man 3 red carpet. And we all learned that the term “side-butt” comes with a extra strength dose of jealousy. (Gwynny looks good.)
Duck Dynasty is officially the biggest show in America. Sorry, Ryan Seacrest.
The Into The Woods movie might be headed into the weeds. Johnny Depp is up for a starring role, and that could be a very, very bad idea.
One Tequila, Two Tequila… But Stop Before You Get To Three Tequila, Floor
Gird your loins, everybody.
“The Sign” is ruined. Well, sort of. The Ace of Base member with now-dormant Nazi tendencies has since apologized.
Everyone’s favorite Super Bowl Half Time performer is starting to feel a bit like a sell-out. Beyoncé’s new H&M ad teases us with the promise of new music, but ultimately disappoints.
Justin Bieber’s downward spiral continues… with the inevitable and very public drug bust.
And Reese Witherspoon has a little meltdown of her own. But the former America’s Sweetheart made sure to apologize after the drunken incident, so we can’t hold too much against her.
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