Everyone’s favorite future monarch, Prince Harry, is set to begin a month-long trek across Antarctica as part of a charity expedition with Walking With the Wounded. Harry will lead of team of veterans who were wounded in combat in a race across the continent in order to raise money and awareness for injured and wounded veterans, as well as to highlight their strength and courage. The group will fly to South Africa on Sunday, and then on to Antarctica two days later, where they will spend some time getting acclimated to the sub-zero temperatures before the race against teams from the United States and the British Commonwealth begins on November 30. They are expected to reach the South Pole around December 16.
We don’t want to demean or disparage Harry’s charity work, but since everywhere the prince goes, hijinks ensue and trouble follows, we couldn’t help but wonder: what else could the prince be getting up to on his journey to the South Pole? We’ve come up with four possible theories for why Prince Harry is really trekking across Antarctica.
He’s trying to take over from Santa Claus.
For most of his life, Prince Harry has been followed closely by the press, many of whom have declared that his antics and wild behavior make him an unsuitable future king. Little did they know, however, that the throne Harry has his eye on is not in England… but in the North Pole. After all, the only way for him to become more beloved than he already is would be to become Santa Claus, and spread the joy of presents and candy canes to children every year. Plus, the job won’t interfere with his military or party obligations, as it only really requires him to work during the holiday season. So, when Harry arrives at the South Pole, conveniently just before Christmas, he will begin his take down of Father Christmas by opening up his own holiday headquarters and using his title and fame to attract enough attention to cripple Santa’s operation. Then, after he buys up the whole enterprise, he will finally be the most popular member of the royal family. Don’t feel too bad for old St. Nick, though – Harry knows a couple of ideal vacation spots for him to retire.
He’s secretly building an army of Emperor Penguins.
There was a time when the British Empire was the most impressive and expansive empire of all, taking up so much of the globe that the sun literally never set on it. If Harry manages to recruit, train and mobilize and army of penguins while trekking across Antarctica, the British Empire could soon return to its former glory. The continent is the ideal place to secretly train an animal army, as it is made up of frozen wasteland with very little surveillance or chance of being recognized. In addition, as a Captain in the UK Army Air Corps and with a team of former military personnel by his side, Harry has the experience and knowledge to turn any penguins he comes across from ordinary birds into a full-blown military operation. The downside is, of course, that they will have a hard time dealing with temperatures above freezing, but we’re sure Harry will be able to figure out a way to solve that problem. So, if you see any photos of Harry with a penguin over the course of his expedition, just remember: it’s not a photo-op, it’s a carefully calculated military maneuver.
He wants to protect the life force of Queen Elizabeth.
Queen Elizabeth II just celebrated her sixtieth year on the throne, and at age 87, shows no signs of slowing or stepping down any time soon. While her heath and vigor is likely due to good genes, determination, and an active lifestyle, there are some who say that the secret to her long life is because all of her life power comes from a magic stone buried deep beneath the ice at the South Pole. If anything were to happen to it, then effects would be catastrophic for both the United Kingdom and the Royal Family. There have been whisperings of threats being made on the Queen’s life-force stone recently, so they sent Harry on an expedition to the South Pole so that he can find and move the stone to another isolated corner of the globe and protect his grandmother’s life. When they heard that Walking With the Wounded was heading to Antarctica this year, they sent Harry, who has long been a patron of the charity, in order to ensure that nobody outside of the family interfered with the mission, and thus greatly reducing the chances that harm would come to the Queen.
He’s trying to achieve his life-long goal of playing strip billiards on every continent.
If you’ve picked up a tabloid or read a gossip site at some point in your life, you’re probably aware that Prince Harry is something of a party animal. Last summer, photographs of him playing strip billiards in Las Vegas were leaked to the press, causing quite the scandal. However, what the papers failed to realize is that it was all part of the prince’s master plan to play the game at least once on every single continent. Antarctica is one of the last ones on his list, and so he’s made sure to pack a portable billiards table and all of the cues and balls needed, so that when his team arrives at the South Pole, they can celebrate with a rousing game. Of course, due to the fact that average temperatures there are around -35 degrees, the rules have been amended slightly. Instead of stripping off entirely, the game will continue until the players are clad in only their long johns so that nobody gets frostbite. It may sound ridiculous, of course, but if Harry arrives back in England and seems to be stuck with a persistent chill, well… he probably and a lot of fun catching it.