Ah, Labor Day. How nice to have a work celebration that you can celebrate far, far away from work. That’s right: We’re all spending this glorious September day reflecting on our 9-5 achievements over the past year — and thanking our red Swinglines that we don’t have to clock in on the national holiday.
Of course, Americans are a Blackberry-checking, multi-tasking bunch. So it’s inevitable that you’ll wonder whether you should log into your email instead of lazily taking in a Law & Order: SVU marathon today. But please, ignore those TPS reports and scroll below for many, many reasons to be glad you’re not at work today. Go ahead, office space out. Just hold on to your staplers.
Waiting tables sucks. Waiting tables while a condescending theoretical physicist belittles you in your own workplace? Absolutely miserable. Just be glad that you have the day off and Sheldon Cooper is working overtime in the Caltech physics department. Bazinga! —Leanne Aguilera (See video evidence here!)
Annoying coworkers are one thing, but losing your cool and popping a blood vessel is another. Enjoy this well-deserved time off so you don’t accidentally smash anybody teeth out with a keyboard like the guy in Wanted. —Matt Patches
When you’re tired and/or cranky and/or overworked and/or underpaid, just remember that your job isn’t being a hooker. Even if you can change $100/hour. —Anna Brand
The customer service industry is none too pleasant… especially when your target clientele includes the sort of individual who’d chase you around the office (or, in Adventureland’s case, amusement park… but let’s be real, we could see this happening in just about any supermarket, accounting firm, or yoga studio in America. Hopefully, you have a boss who is well prepared for situations like these. —Michael Arbeiter
Ever had your boss tell you your idea stinks even while she takes it to her boss and nabs all the credit for herself? Yeah, that sucks, and it’s just what happened to Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. What’s the only revenge? Posing as her, wearing her clothes, stealing her job and her boyfriend. Seems about just. —Brian Moyland
Two Words: Public Forum. There’s nothing like listening to strangers ramble about the annoying minutiae and paranoia of their lives to help you appreciate your day off. —Abbey Stone
As someone who has previously worked at a retail drug store, the bleak and depressing moments of Jennifer Aniston‘s bleak and depressing character in The Good Girl gives me terrible flashbacks. It’s hard to step into one of those places without feeling the dread of a workplace where time stands still and boredom and tedious tasks are all part of the job, but watching it unfold on screen proves to be too much. Still, it could have been worse for Aniston, at least her character gets to pass the time by having an affair with Jake Gyllenhaal and watch Zooey Deschanel administer the worst makeovers you’ve ever seen in your life. —Aly Semigran
If your boss grills his foot today, you’re not going to be the one wrapping it in bubble wrap. —Kelsea Stahler
Your coworker’s far superior business cards are not going to make you a text Psycho today. —Kelsea Stahler
At least you don’t have this guy working at your office. —Shaunna Murphy
And, of course, at least you won’t be driven to arson thanks to an office supply.
[Image Credit: 20th Century Fox]