So, they found some weed on popstar/maryjane enthusiast Rihanna‘s tour bus. Ohemgee, total news story alert, amirite, you guys?! Let’s just be real upfront on this one: the reason people are calling this a news story is because it’s surprising that it was a “small amount,” right?
TMZ, who first reported the story (can we even call it that?), went on to further de-hype their overly sensationalized headline by explaining the cold hard facts: out of 10 buses — where Rihanna was found on approximately zero of them — one man had a “small amount” of weed and was hit with a “civil penalty,” which is when the government basically says, yo, give us some money for, uh, restitution for wrongdoing. Yeah.
According to The New York Daily News, the whole routine and not-at-all interesting event went down like this: a border officer “referred the caravan for inspection due to a strong odor of marijuana,” explained U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Kris Grogan. Naturally, one’s next inclination is the right one: release the hounds! And while the police’s pot pooch did “alert on quite a few of the buses,” the weed found “was only that small amount.”
So let’s get this straight. The girl who posted this photo on her Instagram account on Valentine’s Day:
Was a.) nowhere to be found anywhere near the 10 busses crossing the border, and b.) said buses only had a “small amount” of weed on them and it didn’t even belong to her? Guys, come on now. You’re burying the lede here! This story should’ve read “Small Amount of Weed Found on Rihanna’s Tour Bus, Which is Surprising Because ‘Small.’ Oh And Sidenote: It Wasn’t Hers.”
Cool story, Internet! Here are a few other late-breaking headlines to go along with this riveting, hard-hitting, and utterly scandalous story:
– Ohio Man Supersizes His Lunch Because YOLO
– Sun Goes on Vacation, Lets Fog Take Over London
– Adorable Kitten Video Uploaded on YouTube
– Dude Eats Too Much Mexican for Lunch, Farts
– Conan O’Brien Probably Annoyed By The Whole Tonight Show/Fallon Thing
– Hoarder Discovers Dead Animal Buried Amongst Piles of Crap
– Pimple-Faced Teen Nerd Reportedly ‘Excited’ for Doctor Who Premiere
– Blogger on Internet Writes Semi-Clever Post About Rihanna
– Toddler in Texas’ First Word Revealed: ‘Mommy’
What do you think of this completely shocking, totally-not-overblown story with nefarious underpinnings? Sound off in the comments!
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
[Photo Credit: Alan Chapman/FilmMagic; Instagram]