Simon Cowell Is Really Really Not Gay

Simon CowellGet ready for this bombshell, people. There’s a new book coming out about the life of American Idol and X-Factor producer and judge Simon Cowell where he comes out of the closet. Yes, Simon Cowell finally tells the whole world that he is… straight? 

It’s true: Simon Cowell professes his love for the ladies and tries to kill the gay rumors as dead as Taylor Hicks’ record contract. “If I was gay, why wouldn’t I admit it? It wouldn’t harm me and my mother wouldn’t freak out,” Cowell tells Tom Bower, author of Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life Of Simon Cowell, which comes out tomorrow. Bower says that there is no concrete evidence that Simon has ever had sexual relations with a man and no one has come forward to even make allegations. Cowell’s stance is quite cosmopolitan and shows that, despite teasing Ryan Seacrest about what he may or may not be doing in bed, Cowell seems to think there is nothing wrong with being gay. 
Bower and Cowell trace the rumors back to Cowell’s early days in the record industry, when he was promoting So Macho, a recording by his then-girlfriend Sinitta. No one wanted to play it, so Cowell did what any producer with few choices and a female vocalist on his hands would do: He went after the gay audience. He met some gay club promoters and, when he had a falling out with one of them, one promoter publicly called Simon a “vain old queen.” 
It always seemed like the label fit, even if the sexual orientation didn’t. From all accounts, Cowell has a “camp” sensibility. And here we just thought he was acting British.Well, we’re glad that the record is finally — um, straight. Now, what do you think Seacrest’s biography is going to have to say? 

Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan