Whoa Nelly, hold the phone. Us Weekly has confirmed that Taylor Swift‘s song “All Too Well” is about ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. Holy moly, Swift has written a song about an ex. And not just any ex — a specific ex who is also a famous person. You guys, I don’t think anything like this has ever happened before.
So, basically, an “insider” totally told Us that the song is about Gyllenhaal. And, like, remember that time Swift spent Thanksgiving at Jake’s sister’s home in Brooklyn? And she went for a walk with Jakey and a zillion pics were taken and in every one Tay was wearing a blue striped scarf? Well, ohmigod, the song’s lyrics, like, totally talk about all of that. The song goes, “I walked through the door with you / The air was cold but something ’bout it felt like home somehow and I / Left my scarf there at your sister’s house / And you still got it in your drawer even now.” IT’S TOTES THE EXACT SAME THING! But, like, does anyone else think it’s way stalkerish of Jake to still have Taylor’s scarf? Because it is.
Of all the songs Swifty has written about ex-boyfriends, this may be one that is most obviously about a specific someone. Well, either this one or “Back to December,” which was obviously about a certain sad werewolf. Or maybe the most obvious was “Dear John,” which had the guy’s name right in the title. Oh wait, I’m totally lying — the most obvious song is “Forever and Always,” which clearly is about Joe Jonas’ infamous 27-second breakup phone call.
Are you starting to see a pattern here? Yes? Oh thank God, I was getting tired of writing like a space cadet.