She commanded attention as a strong female voice in Obvious Child and she warmed our hearts as the voice of the cutest little shell we’ve ever seen (her third Marcel the Shell with Shoes On video was just released), but on Twitter Jenny Slate is quite simply the voice that’s in our heads.
Chances are if you’ve thought it, she’s tweeted it. Where normal folks might filter their scattered musings on social media, Jenny lets it all out in hilarious 140-character truth bombs. Here are 20 of her scarily relatable thoughts that will make you want to claim her as your new wacky best friend, ASAP:
1. She’s brutally honest about the trials of packing a suitcase.
I have a really good way to pack my suitcase which is to be crazy, pack mostly party dresses, get super bored, then throw in dirty t-shirts.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 15, 2014
2. She gets real about her yoga needs. (And the typical Brooklyn yoga crowd).
What is a nice place for Yoga in Williamsburg? I want to put my butt in the air w a lot of beautiful strangers who do internet for a living
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 17, 2014
3. She has some warranted confusion RE: Comic Con.
ComicCon is just a fest 4 nothing&everything at once? Like, it has tv, cars,vid games, movies&geeks but also SO DOES THE WORLD SO WHAT IS IT
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 12, 2014
4. She’s also completely baffled by fantasy football.
What is fantasy football WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT WHAT THE F IS IT WHHHHAAAAAT IS ITTTTT
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 27, 2014
5. She’s not shy about sharing her weekend plans.
Doin that classic “Sitting on the toilet in my nightgown, making tiny poops, reading a novel on a Sunday morn” thing that makes me ME, BRO!
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 12, 2014
6. She acknowledges a deep and abiding attachment to her phone. (How else are you going to tweet and Instagram and do all of the things?)
I wish I had a fairy godmother to whip my phone out of my hands and yell “Disengage! Put on pants!”
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 29, 2014
7. And she perfectly expresses (IN ALL CAPS) the sheer panic of losing said phone. The struggle is real.
I LOST MY PHONE & CAN CONFIRM THAT I AM 100% NOT OK WITH IT AND FEEL THAT I HAVE LOST MY SPINE OR FACE OR SOMETHING ESSENTIAL LIKE THAT
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 21, 2014
8. She understands the fundamental problem with text messages.
Shout out to text messages and how they make every argument just like 100% nuclear.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 27, 2014
9. She’s not afraid to recount an embarrassing story.
Ive reached pinnacle of shame: Just asked my dad”When will i be the person i know that i am”&ripped a giant fart by mistake THIS IS ALL I AM
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 14, 2014
10. She makes a pretty sound assessment of a typical airport experience.
I’m in a onesie in the airport and I have very little idea of what is going on, and yet I’m NOT a baby.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 19, 2014
11. She’s not ashamed to admit she’s not perfect.
You know what would look great w the weird skin problems I have? Jet lag, constipation & just a bunch of weird other ppls issues.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 3, 2014
12. She ponders the questions on everyone’s mind.
Did Michael Jackson know how to drive a car
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 17, 2014
13. She’s a sucker for the emotional powers of a Ryan Gosling romance flick.
Ppl must think there’s a super weepy lil pig in my hotel room bc Im snorting&crying w such a ferocity bc of The Notebook. IM A PIG FOR LOVE
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 18, 2014
14. She’s no doubt a cool aunt, but she’s also ok with not having kids. (And to be fair, a DHL van does kind of look like a school bus).
Waiting to pick niece up from school bus, thought a DHL van was the bus I AM CLEARLY CHILDLESS ITS FINE
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 12, 2014
15. She gets easily distracted while eating chips.
Just said HUH?!? Really loudly bc I was eating chips& they were loud in my head&thought somebody said something but nobody was talking to me
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 7, 2014
16. She’s not on board with certain technological advancements.
Congrats, dorks! U made yet another computer watch thingy that I don’t even care about *FARRRRRT NOISE* AND YES THIS IS LITERALLY HOW I FEEL
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 10, 2014
17. She has bizarre stress dreams involving other celebrities.
Well, after repeated dreams that I missed my plane bc I was trying on rompers for Matt Damon&he wasn’t even paying attention, I’m up early.
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 26, 2014
18. She understands the addictive qualities of reality TV.
I’ve just discovered a show called Love & Hip Hop Hollywood and it is BLOWING MY MINNNNND
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) September 27, 2014
19. She asks loaded questions.
Am I becoming weird and when will I know if I am
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) August 6, 2014
20. She realizes her mind is an intense place. If her brain is a volcano, her tweets must be the lava. We’re just thankful we get to witness the eruption!
I’d love to describe what it’s like in my head but how do you speak “volcano”
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) July 30, 2014
So maybe we can’t be Jenny’s BFF in real life, but we can at least pretend we’re besties on Twitter.
