Unhappy Hour: 10 Ways Pop Culture Gave Us a Reason to Drink on Cinco De Mayo

Senor Chang CommunityIf you’re on this website reading this article, it’s because you’ve got a thing for pop culture. You love knowing about the latest brilliant movie casting, griping about the latest cut on American Idol, and have a hard time comprehending why someone wouldn’t just know off the bat that Lady Gaga’s real name is Stefani Germanotta. This list, mi amigos, is for you. Today, on Cinco de Mayo, we present you with a list of 10 pop culture stories that had us running towards the closest cerveza purveyor this week.

Afternoon Sangria: Let’s Just Take the Edge Off

Bethenny Frankel wrote a work of “Fiction”: Her novel, Skinnydipping, may be sold in the fiction section, but there are seven very good reasons to believe it’s inspired by reality (television).

Ryan Seacrest is Richer, More Successful, and Handsomer Than You: Seacrest added another job to his staggering lineup and managed to MC Idol despite a harrowing cold. And he did it all while being really, really ridiculously good-looking.

Tom Cruise is Going to Hunt Himself: Maverick has his eye on a role as Van Helsing, the notorious vampire hunter, in a Universal Pictures imagining of Bram Stoker’s tale. Of course, this is causing our brains to implode because we still think of Cruise as Interview with a Vampire’s Lestat. Conflict of interest?

Margarita With Salt: Sombrero Optional

Samuel L. Jackson Can’t Handle a Bad Avengers Review: He tweeted, “#Avengers fans,NY Times critic AO Scott needs a new job! Let’s help him find one! One he can ACTUALLY do!” We get it, you’re proud of the movie, but let the man keep his opinion – and his job.

John Mayer Possibly Wrote Another Song About Jennifer Aniston: Yes,this song would be in addition to the entirety of Battle Studies, which I like to affectionately call The Worst John Mayer Album.

Superman is a lucky bastard who doesn’t pay for anything: We did the math. Superman is not only faster than a speeding bullet, his bank account is heavier than a lead zeppelin.

Community’s lovable rascal, Starburns, is Dead: But at least he died the way he lived, in an embarrassment of meth-amphetamines, and he was sent off with one hell of a farewell montage. Who wouldn’t want to make out with an image of a supermodel and use an exploding jet pack in his own eulogy?

Tequila, Straight Up

There Are Only Three Episodes of Revenge Left: Seriously, ABC. What the hell do you expect us to do once it’s gone (until next season)?

Sally Draper Caught Roger Receiving a gift from Megan’s Mother on Mad Men: Must Don Draper’s eldest endure this torture every season? There she was, play-flirting with her father’s boss and thinking she’s almost a grown-up like her father’s newest Barbie doll, Megan, when the world suddenly became one big, dirty ashtray. Poor Sally.

Kanye West Apparently Can’t Keep His Pants on Around Kim Kardashian: Kanye, you forced us to utter the name General Larry Platt again. How dare you?!