Unhappy Hour: 9 Ways Pop Culture Gave Us a Reason to Drink on June 2

Jack Crying on LostWelcome back to another edition of Unhappy Hour, pop culture fiends! Can you believe we have to wait until July 4 for another summer holiday? That’s an entire month between us and another national day of grilling. Plus, we have to deal with these unfortunate truths from the world of pop culture. It’s enough to make a person turn towards a tall frosty beer or a delicious strawberry daiquiri. Hey, how else are we supposed to endure these hardships

A Few Coronitas With a Side of Guac
We knew Selena Gomez would grow up, and that with older age comes the era of experimentation, but this is beyond what we were prepared for. Her girls-gone-criminally-wild flick, Spring Breakers, just released photos of Gomez and her pals getting into some R-rated trouble, including hanging out with James Franco, a cop car, and a gun. Our poor, naive eyes!
We may have yapped and yapped after Mad Men introduced us to Fat Betty, the former Mrs. Don Draper with a little extra cushion and a knack for midnight snacking, but the actress who plays her wasn’t so chipper. Shocking.  
Dear celebs, stop taking glamorous hospital instagrams. We get it. You’re fabulous and we can’t keep up. We are not amused.
OMG Robert Pattinson is going to be in The Hunger Games?! Well, apparently nobody told him that.  
Mango Daiquiri With a Twisty Straw
But we didn’t even know we were supposed to be sad about it! Damn you, Lorne Michaels!
Snooki vowed getting knocked up wouldn’t keep her out of towering stilettos. And we’d feel much better about that if she didn’t have trouble staying upright in them.
Whiskey Sour, Hold the Maraschino Cherry
While it’s apparently in every reality contract ever written that “stars” have to produce pop singles so bad they could be used as interrogation torture, it’s the one rule we wish they’d all ignore. PLEASE. 
Which is exactly what Charles Widmore would have wanted. 
That’s like asking Donald Duck to teach anger management. What have you done, Lifetime? 

What do you think was the most despicable pop culture story this week? Sound off in the comments!

Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.

[Image: Division Films]

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Unhappy Hour: 11 Ways Pop Culture Gave Us a Reason to Drink on Memorial Day

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.

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