Unhappy Hour: Amanda Bynes, Obama’s Dumbest Controversy & 4 More Excuses to Drink

Amanda Bynes Amanda ShowEach week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week ending Sept. 15 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we’ll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week’s issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flismy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that’ll put hair on your chest. Here are the week’s entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.

Take the Edge Off With a Pale Ale

It’s Really Hard to Find Someone With a Bacon Number Lower Than 2.

Seriously. Even Al Jolson and Shirley Temple are at 3.Kevin Bacon, you ubiquitous bastard.

Jessica Simpson Can’t Do anything Without Shocking The Internet.

Guys, it;s just a baby picture. The baby is being cute. Her mom is being silly. Anne Geddes took millions of photos of naked babies wrapped in lettuce and she made millions of dollars doing it, yet this is what we’re raving about?

Get a Little Loose With a Sidecar

Everyone in The World Knew Who Was Joining Idol By the Time Fox Announced It

We spent so. much. time. talking about it. And it was the same people we supposed it would be all along. I suppose that’s really clever marketing.

Let’s Forget This Ever Happened With a Martini

Privacy Is Officially Dead

Yes, we all look at “OMG SHOCKING PAPARAZZI PICS” because we’re humans, and by nature, total lookie-loos. But this whole scandal involving topless photos taken of Kate Middleton with a telephoto lens while she was sunbathing at a private chateau are the limit. That’s it. Privacy is dead.

President Obama Had to Explain How Rap Music Works

Look, Obama has certainly earned his status as the “cool president,” but did he really have to explain how Nicki Minaj lyrics work? Can we stop pestering him about these things and let him answer questions about, oh I don’t know, policy?

Amanda Bynes Has Thoroughly Ruined Our Childhoods

Remember when sweet, little Amanda Bynes was this wildly talented goofball? Remember when she grew up and she was the anti-Miley, sending us into giggle fits in the embarrassingly funny She’s the Man. (You know you liked it.) Those days are gone, now that she’s had so many auto issues in the past two weeks, you’d think she was preparing for a role. But she isn’t. It’s just sad.

Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler

[Photo Credit: Nickelodeon]

More Unhappy Hour:

Sept. 8

Aug. 31

Aug. 24

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.

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