Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week ending Sept. 15 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we’ll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week’s issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flismy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that’ll put hair on your chest. Here are the week’s entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
Take the Edge Off With a Pale Ale
It’s Really Hard to Find Someone With a Bacon Number Lower Than 2.
Seriously. Even Al Jolson and Shirley Temple are at 3.Kevin Bacon, you ubiquitous bastard.
Jessica Simpson Can’t Do anything Without Shocking The Internet.
Get a Little Loose With a Sidecar
Everyone in The World Knew Who Was Joining Idol By the Time Fox Announced It
We spent so. much. time. talking about it. And it was the same people we supposed it would be all along. I suppose that’s really clever marketing.
Let’s Forget This Ever Happened With a Martini
Privacy Is Officially Dead
Yes, we all look at “OMG SHOCKING PAPARAZZI PICS” because we’re humans, and by nature, total lookie-loos. But this whole scandal involving topless photos taken of Kate Middleton with a telephoto lens while she was sunbathing at a private chateau are the limit. That’s it. Privacy is dead.
President Obama Had to Explain How Rap Music Works
Look, Obama has certainly earned his status as the “cool president,” but did he really have to explain how Nicki Minaj lyrics work? Can we stop pestering him about these things and let him answer questions about, oh I don’t know, policy?
Amanda Bynes Has Thoroughly Ruined Our Childhoods
Remember when sweet, little Amanda Bynes was this wildly talented goofball? Remember when she grew up and she was the anti-Miley, sending us into giggle fits in the embarrassingly funny She’s the Man. (You know you liked it.) Those days are gone, now that she’s had so many auto issues in the past two weeks, you’d think she was preparing for a role. But she isn’t. It’s just sad.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Nickelodeon]
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