July is almost over. That’s a sentence no one likes to hear. It means that Summer has hit the three quarters mark. We’ve only got August, folks, so make it last! Part of that means taking advantage of the glorious warm weather that will soon begin to fade when September rolls in. And by “taking advantage,” we mean enjoying an adult beverage or two outdoors. Luckily, this week gave us some serious ammunition for our boozy habit. Thank you, Hollywood.
Here are the top seven things (it’s about quality, not quantity) that are driving us to drink this week:
Lemonade with a Dash of Limoncello
And the worst part is that we all still cared. At least a little bit.
Plus, the U.S. is one of the greatest offenders. At least we’ve got a history of gold medals to ease the pain.
Two Glasses of Pinot Grigio
COO Dan Cathy’s intolerance is depriving us of the greasy deliciousness. But hey, at least our hearts are in the right place (and not exploding from an overdose of grease-covered fried chicken on buttery biscuits).
And the whole thing reeks of WTMI.
The saddest thing about this isn’t even necessarily the fact that she cheated on RPattz with a married man who’s 11 years older than her. The worst part was that they made out in a car like horny teens in daylight and thought they’d get away with it.
Did he learn nothing from The Da Vinci Code? He’s at it again in Cloud Atlas.
Dry Martini, Hold the Olives
Dane Cook Made a Joke About the Aurora Shooting Because His Brain Is Obviously Not Functioning Properly
Daniel Tosh is throwing himself a “Welcome Back to Comedy” party right about now.