Richard Branson has announced that in 2014, Virgin Galactic will be offering rides to outer space with a price tag of $200,000 each. The actual list of celebrities already on board includes Ashton Kutcher, Justin Bieber, and Paris Hilton. But before you start planning your trip, let’s go over who you may want to invite on your flight:
1. You’ll want an experienced guide.
Don’t bring: George Clooney
Judging from the time he’s spent in space while appearing in “Solaris” and “Gravity” it seems like he should probably put a kibosh on the schmoozing while he’s up there. There’s a time and a place to be charismatic, George, and floating around in the cosmos isn’t it.
Do bring: Sigourney Weaver
She’s highly trained in alien destruction, and if you ask nicely, she might even narrate the effects of climate change on our environment as you’re circling planet earth.
2. You’ll want extra resources.
Don’t bring: Heidi Klum
Her icy attitude matches the subzero temperatures, so she’ll offer little-to-no warmth if there’s any kind of heating malfunction.
Do bring: Heidi Montag
She doesn’t say much, and is well equipped to be stripped down for parts in case of an emergency. Silicone often serves as a sealant, and there should be enough available from Heidi to repair any small aircraft.
3. You’ll want a friend.
Don’t bring: Lindsay Lohan
She would be a fun person to get into trouble with on the ship, but when it comes time to make the descent back to earth and all of the shiny objects have disappeared from the control panel, no one will be laughing.
Do bring: Kristen Stewart
She’ll likely spend most of the time practicing her vapid stare, and the lack of gravity will make it virtually impossible to tell that she’s indefinitely opposed to buying a hairbrush.
Now that you have some solid recommendations for your intergalactic guest list, all you have to do is become a celebrity. You’ll do great up there. Good luck, and Godspeed.