A Few Facts About Sandwiches That Prove the 300 Sandwiches Couple Is Horrible

A few facts about sandwiches, inspired by the woman who submitted to making 300 sandwiches for her boyfriend in exchange for a marriage proposal:

Sandwiches were invented by an 18th century English statesman.
John Montagu served as First Lord of Admirality, Secretary of State for the Northern Department, and Postmaster General. He was principal in devising the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle that led to peace between England and the Netherlands. If he had the time to not only make but invent the sandwich, so do you.

“Sandwich” is the only word that is the same in every language.
A universal concept that everyone can understand. That means just about everyone can comprehend, and as such handle, the task of making one. You fall into that category.

The definition of the word “sandwich” is, unsurprisingly, pretty broad.
Mirriam Webster defines a sandwich as “two pieces of bread with something (such as meat, peanut butter, etc.) between them.” That “etc.” allows you a lot of leeway. You can cram pretty much any edible item between two slices of bread and you’ve got a sandwich. If you so desperately want a sandwich, your resources, I can imagine, will accomodate this.

Sandwiches became popular in America during the Great Depression.
The Great Depression. The bleakest, most wanton decade in modern history. If those people could muster up the energy and time away from working in the Charlie Chaplin machines to make their own sandwiches, you also have time.

You don’t even need arms to make sandwiches.
I say that with all sincerity and reverence. Here, find double amputee “Tisha UnArmed” demonstrating how to make a sandwich without the use of one’s arms:

Without at the very least this degree of physical limitation, you have very little excuse for not making your own sandwich. (Video provided by @misterpatches, a bottomless well of interesting material.)

Americans eat over 300 million sandwiches a day.
I’m not really sure how this fits into my argument, it’s just interesting.

Sandwiches always taste better when you make them yourself.
Indisputable. In my life, I have eaten more sandwiches than I have eaten things that are not sandwiches. I am no esteemed culinary genius, so it is not my talent in the kitchen that supply me with a gift for the endeavor. It is simply that nobody knows your own palette — the specifics of it and what ratios it most favors — better than you do. Admit it. In opting out of making your own sandwich, you aren’t vying for something better. You’re just being lazy.

Sandwiches aren’t very good for you.
This is a generalization, but the vast majority of entries in the category denoted as “sandwich” are high in fat, cholesterol, and sodium. The least you can do, if you insist on eating one of these every day, is burn off some energy by trekking into the kitchen to make it yourself.

If you really need someone else to make you a sandwich, you can pay any number of professional sandwich makers in close proximity a very reasonable price to do so.
Just about every single restaurant, super market, deli, fast food chain, or bodega features the option of sandwiches. Most of the time, they run fairly cheap, and are constructed by professional sandwich makers — people who voluntarily submit to making sandwiches, and benefit financially from doing so (all while our economy spikes!) — at your disposal throughout the day.

It is not your responsibility to supply sandwiches for some jackass who bargains that he’ll marry you if you make enough of them.
In fact, you are painting a pretty poor picture of your relationship if you feel obligated to transform into a proverbial conveyer belt of sandwich meals, fueled by him dangling an engagement ring in front of your nose like a carrot*. You owe sandwiches to nobody, especially somebody who uses them as a manipulation tactic to quantify the value of his love for you. You deserve better that that. So do the sandwiches.

*Carrots are a healthy alternative to sandwiches.

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