Despite her strong performances, for much of the late 1970s and into the 80s, Irving was better known for her on-again, off-again relationship with rising director Steven Spielberg. Their 1985 marriage overshadowed her career. With the perspective of hindsight, the actress told THE LOS ANGELES TIMES (April 17, 1994): "During my marriage to Steven, I felt like a politician's wife. There were certain things expected of me that definitely weren't me. One of my problems is that I'm very honest and direct. You pay a price for that. But then I behaved myself and I paid a price too." Despite putting these pressures on herself, she continued with her career, turning in well-rounded portrayals of a woman who may or may not be the Czar's daughter in "Anastasia: The Mystery of Anna" (NBC, 1986) and a sophisticated New Yorker who is romanced by a pickle seller in "Crossing Delancey" (1988). Irving also displayed her sultry vocal abilities providing the singing voice of the animated Jessica Rabbit in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" (also 1988; Kathleen Turner provided the speaking voice). During the filming of "A Show of Force" (1990), the actress, cast as Puerto Rican TV journalist, fell in love with the film's Brazilian director Bruno Barreto.
After an amicable split from Spielberg in 1989, she and Barreto moved in together and gave birth to their son in 1990. After playing a brassy blonde cocktail waitress in "Benefit of the Doubt" (1993), her husband gave her a fine role as a middle-aged schoolteacher finding romance in "Carried Away" (1996). Irving continued to return to the stage as well, headlining the West Coast production of Wendy Wasserstein's "The Heidi Chronicles" (1990), playing a Brooklyn woman who suffers paralysis from her over-identification with German Jews in Arthur Miller's Broadway play "Broken Glass" (1995), and teaming with Lili Taylor and Jeanne Tripplehorn as Chekhov's "Three Sisters" (1997). Irving again teamed with Barreto to play an acerbic, overly-ambitious FBI agent in "One Tough Cop" (1998), based on the life of NYC policeman Bo Dietl, and as an American teacher in Brazil who finds unexpected romance in "Bossa Nova" (2000). The actress also revisited the role of Sue Snell in the sequel "The Rage: Carrie II" (1999).
Irving appeared as part of director Steven Soderberg's high-powered acting ensemble in 2000's traffic, playing the wife of Michael Douglas' drug czar and mother to their troubled drug addict daughter, and the critically acclaimed indie "13 Conversations about One Thing." In 2002 she reunited with Spacek in another feature film, this time a family-oriented flip side to their "Carrie" collaboration, Disney's adaptation of author Natalie Babbitt's children's classic "Tuck Everlasting." She also was featured in a recurring role on the ABC spy series "Alias."