Why We Loved Them So Much: When Jessica Alba did it, it seemed both practical and sweet. She'd been with her non-famous, adorable boyfriend Cash Warren for years. He knocked her up. They Googled a courthouse, and 15 minutes plus one pretty blue dress later, a marriage license! It made sense in an "I love you, and that's all that matters" way. Like when Ben Affleck married Jennifer Garner on a secluded beach — her Alias costar Victor Garber officiated (their one guest) — and we imagine Affleck's thoughts: "Finally. I found the right Jennifer. No Bentleys allowed at this wedding!" Sigh. How romantic.Now, Not So Much: All of sudden, Salma Hayek's gone and secretly wed some older French man that called it splits after she gave birth to their baby girl. Tom Brady married Gisele Bundchen in some pithy Santa Monica ceremony (what? No Victoria's Secret models allowed? For shame!). Then, rumors of a Chris Brown/Rihanna secret wedding?! Truly, the duet collaboration shocked us plenty. What sealed its fate of a Dunzo branding, however, was when 24-year-old Mandy Moore and 34-year-old Ryan Adams wed in hush-hush fashion, post a break-up/get-back-together/break-up pattern. But the real head-scratcher is: Who cares about Mandy and Ryan so much that they couldn't have waited, say, another month to have had a proper wedding? We don't want to harass you that much, "musician" and musician. Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen — please don't be next.
LAST WEEK'S: The Bachelor's Jason Mesnick