You can bash Gary Marshall’s Valentine’s Day as much as you want, but like Love Actually, it at least has the virtue of telling some stories about what it takes to maintain love as opposed to what it takes to find love. We sort of stumble onto love, don’t we? It’s mostly luck. Maintaining love, now that’s a feat
My friend Mackenzie Firgens, who was in Rent and Groove and the recent Sundance midnight movie The Violent Kind, recently tweeted: “My friend just described dating as: Settling with the hope that the person might surprise you. Thoughts?” My thought is that dating isn’t the issue. Romantic comedies hypnotize us into thinking that what’s tough about relationships is the getting into them.
Whether it’s chance, a setup, a drunken hookup, or an old friend seen through new eyes, getting into a relationship is easy. All you have to do is have patience, be yourself, meet people, and be open. What’s hard, and what current romantic comedies don’t often train us in, is what happens next. Generally speaking movies about marriage are torturous things, filled with cruelty and evil. Movies that show how marriage can be fun come along rarely, and when they do we need to pay close attention.
Case in point: 1934’s The Thin Man
It’s a whodunit, of course, from a novel by Dashiell Hammett. The sparks in both the book and the movie, however, don’t come from the mystery. The fun comes from the relationship between the sleuths, Nick and Nora Charles.
Nick and Nora live off of her money, drinking and partying with the kind of shameless abandon one can only embrace during prohibition. Unlike any marriage in any recent movie of the Judd Apatow clan, these two love being married to each other and aren’t afraid to show it. They have fun.
Nick Charles is played by William Powell, who manages to be both drunk and ironic in every take. Nora’s played with a playful but directed spunk by Myrna Loy, who, I swear to God, if I could get a hold of a time machine I’d go back and marry right now.
There is, of course, contention between them: he won’t let her in. “Let her in” in this case means bringing her into his old world of being a detective. Nora, like most wives, wants a glimpse into Nick’s world, to see him at his most passionate. It’s a little thing, but of course Nick is resistant to open up that part of himself to her. Does he do it? How does she prove to him that she can deal with it? Watch and see.
Lest you think that I’m looking too deeply into a light mystery story, know this: Dashiell Hammett famously based Nick and Nora on his relationship with playwright, Lillian Hellman. Dashiell Hammett knew that no marriage is easy, but he also knew that in order to make it through, you must eventually let your spouse in on all your little games. And if you don’t have a sense of humor about yourself the relationship is surely lost.
Frankly, The Thin Man changed my life when it comes to the way I think about relationships. I’m no longer in need of some kind of storybook beginning -- but I sure do want to end up in a marriage that has half the humor, fun, respect, and courage as the one between Nick and Nora Charles.
Next week: Pirates.
Check out last week's Movies that Changed My Life