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Home Movies The Bottom Line: Too Cool for 'School'? Not Heder

The Bottom Line: Too Cool for 'School'? Not Heder


By Robert Sims, Special to Hollywood.com

Ten/GM
Jon Heder
Same old, same old.

That seems to be the mantra for the following five stars who—intentionally or otherwise—are pigeonholing themselves so soon into their movie careers.

Jon Heder 
Biggest Hit: The Benchwarmers ($57.6 million)
Biggest Flop: Just Like Heaven ($48.3 million)
Next Release: School for Scoundrels (Sept. 29)
Upcoming: Blades of Glory (March 30); Surf's Up (June 8—voice only); Mama's Boy (TBA)
The Bottom Line: We voted for Pedro. We cheered on The Benchwarmers. But will we pay Jon Heder’s tuition at the School for Scoundrels? Probably not. Todd Phillips’ hit-and-miss remake of the 1960 British satire—about a wimp who learns invaluable life lessons from a hysterical Billy Bob Thornton—confirms that Heder's geeky ways and droning delivery are beginning to wear on the nerves. It’s one thing to capitalize on Napoleon Dynamite; it’s another to play the same annoying dweeb time and again. Neither Mama's Boy or Blades of Glory—with Heder and Will Ferrell as figure skaters!—hardly sound like attempts to man up. So the longer Heder insists on playing nerds, the harder it will be to accept him as anything other than a socially awkward, sartorially challenged dancing fool. 

Sarah Michelle GellarSarah Michelle Gellar
Biggest Hit: Scooby Doo ($153.2 million)
Biggest Flop: Simply Irresistible ($4.3 million) *
Next Release: The Grudge 2 (Oct. 13)
Upcoming: The Return (Nov. 11); Happily NEver After (Jan. 5—voice only); The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing (TBA); Southland Tales (TBA)
The Bottom Line: Will scream queen Sarah Michelle Gellar ever stop screaming? Unlikely. Yes, her Grudge and Scooby Doo days appear to be over, but more things go bump in the night in The Return. And Gellar’s also signed to Addicted, a remake of the Korean chiller Jungdok, in which her husband apparently swaps bodies with her brother-in-law. So the romantic comedy The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing and the Cannes-jeered musical Southland Tales are anomalies rather than concerted efforts to prove she can do more than ward off evil spirits (she can, judging by Cruel Intentions). “Horror films are where women can shine and have a chance to lead,” Gellar once told the New York Daily News. Those certainly sound like the words of an actress resigned to her lot in life.
* Wide release only

Zach BraffZach Braff
Biggest Hit: Garden State ($26.7 million)
Current Release: The Last Kiss ($4.6 million) *
Upcoming: TBA
The Bottom Line: The transition from sitcom staple to movie star isn’t easy. For every Ashton Kutcher there’s a Ted Danson, Matthew Perry and Ray Romano. And Zach Braff’s done himself no favors. Rather than offer one variation after another on his day-dreaming Dr. John "J.D." Dorian in a slew of kooky Scrubs-like farces, Braff took the bold and noble move of stepping behind the cameras for the sharp-witted Garden State. Unfortunately, there’s little that distinguishes Garden State’s aimless actor from The Last Kiss’ wandering expectant father. If Braff's not careful, he’s going to end up as nothing more than the face of Generation XY angst and disillusionment. The best cure: drop Dr. Dorian’s stethoscope and grab a reporter’s pad and pencil for the rumored Fletch Won.
* Through Sept. 17 

Orlando BloomOrlando Bloom
Biggest Hit: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest ($418.4 million)
Biggest Flop: Elizabethtown ($26.8 million) *
Current Release: Haven ($38,355) **
Upcoming: Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World's End:  (May 25)
The Bottom Line: We’re accustomed to seeing Orlando Bloom arm himself with a sword, not a gun. And that may explain why Haven—a thriller set in the Cayman Islands—appears to be struggling. Bloom made his mark with his dashing heroics in the Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises. He’s tried to distance himself from such historical epics as Kingdom of Heaven and Troy with Cameron Crowe’s dramedy Elizabethtown. But the Englishman seemed just as uncomfortable sporting an American accent as he did dealing with contemporary concerns. After the third and possibly final Pirates adventure, Bloom needs to stop traveling back to bygone time and find suitable roles in modern-day dramas or comedies. Otherwise, he faces an uncertain future if he’s forever stuck in the past.
* Wide release only
** Through Sept. 17 

Hilary DuffHilary Duff
Biggest Hit: Cheaper By the Dozen ($138.6 million)
Biggest Flop: Raise Your Voice ($10.4 million)
Current Release: Material Girls ($11.2 million)*
Upcoming: Foodfight! (2007—voice only)
The Bottom Line: “I’m pushing the edge, feeling it crack, and once I get out, there's no turning back,” Hilary Duff claimed on her song “Metamorphosis.” She obviously wasn’t referring to an acting career that’s as squeaky clean today as it was when she was a kid. The tweens who once made Duff’s Lizzie McGuire must-see Disney TV have grown up and traded their Most Wanted CDs for Fergie’s The Dutchess. Only Duff refuses to grow up with them, judging by such family-friendly fluff as Material Girls, The Perfect Man and Raise Your Voice. Unlike rival Lindsay Lohan, Duff won’t challenge herself with mature roles in demanding art-house offerings. “What would that do to my fan base?" she asked Elle. Maybe stop it from shrinking.
* Through Sept. 17

Photo(s) by Adriana M. Barraza- © 2005- Hollywood Media Corp.- All Rights Reserved

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