The Big Bang Theory star Melissa Rauch is pregnant with her first child.
The actress broke the news to fans in a personal essay for Glamour.com, published on Tuesday (11Jul17), and in the article, she admits she was apprehensive about going public with her baby news after suffering a secret miscarriage.
She begins the piece: “Here is the only statement regarding my pregnancy that doesn’t make me feel like a complete fraud: ‘Melissa is expecting her first child. She is extremely overjoyed, but if she’s being honest, due to the fact that she had a miscarriage the last time she was pregnant, she’s pretty much terrified at the moment that it will happen again.'”
The 37-year-old confesses she “feels weird even announcing this at all”, but wanted to avoid having her happy news made public by strangers who may spot her growing belly while out and about.
Melissa goes on to detail the heartache she struggled through after losing her baby during her first pregnancy.
“During the time when I was grieving over my pregnancy loss or struggling with fertility issues, every joyful, expectant baby announcement felt like a tiny stab in the heart,” she continues. “It’s not that I wasn’t happy for these people, but I would think, ‘Why are these shiny, carefree, fertile women so easily able to do what I cannot…?’
“When I thought about having to share the news about expecting this baby, all I could think about was another woman mourning over her loss as I did. It felt a bit disingenuous to not also share the struggle it took for me to get here.”
The actress, who is married to writer Winston Beigel, brands the miscarriage “one of the most profound sorrows” in her life, revealing she subsequently battled depression, before eventually coming to terms with the fact that there was nothing she could have done to save the unborn child.
“All I really know for sure is that this experience has changed me forever,” she concludes of the tragedy. “I know it’s made me grateful for every moment of my current pregnancy, and I hope it will make me a better mother in some capacity when I can finally hold the child that has been in my heart in my arms.
“Although I can’t categorize these lessons of humble appreciation and gratitude as ‘reasons for this happening’, I will consider them a silver lining.”
Melissa is due this autumn (17).