Anne Heche Wants to Take Us to Heaven

Here’s today’s pop quiz. Guess which Hollywood star this Fresno-area law enforcement official is talking about:

“She proceeded to tell me that she was God and was going to take everyone back to heaven with her in some sort of spaceship.”

That anecdote was reportedly jotted down in a sheriff’s report this weekend by a deputy who interviewed Anne Heche this past weekend, after she showed up uninvited at a farmer’s rural house and was promptly escorted to a hospital for examination.

In case you haven’t heard, Heche, 31, and her celebrity companion of three years, Ellen DeGeneres, ended their highly public romance on Saturday. It was just hours later that Heche apparently parked her Toyota SUV along an isolated stretch of Highway 33, about 40 miles west of Fresno, and walked about a mile along a dirt road until she reached the farmer’s doorstep.

Although no criminal charges were filed against Heche, the Fresno Bee newspaper is reporting that law enforcement officials in the area believe Heche was under the influence of some kind of drug, possibly Ecstasy. They don’t believe she was lost, and it’s not known if her car broke down, or ran out of gas, or she merely felt a sudden urge to walk.

So, what the heck was one of Hollywood’s most famous lesbians doing in the Central Valley? According to the newspaper, Heche was apparently driving to the First Women’s Music Festival, a Lilith Fair-type concert in the Yosemite National Park area.

On Monday, Heche was seen boarding a flight to Toronto, where’s she directing a new film with Denzel Washington, at Los Angeles International Airport.

In these trying times, it’s good to know your friends are behind you, and Anne Heche can rest assured that President Clinton is her friend. And he’s behind her.

“President Clinton reached out to both Anne and Ellen, as a personal friend, and offered his assistance,” a senior White House said Monday, according to The Drudge Report.