BUZZ/SAW: It’s the Storm, Stupid

How do you sell a really big summer movie if all the good guys, including your major stars, die at the end? (At least Kate Winslet’s Rose Dewitt Bukater, if not poor Leo, survived the “Titanic” !)

When the film is Warner Bros.’ “The Perfect Storm,” which opens later this month, stars George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg have to take a back seat to the movie’s real star – the storm itself.

At least that’s how Warner Bros.’ marketing campaign has lined up its ducks. In the print ads, trailers, TV ads, Web and radio promotions, it’s the storm, storm, storm (and loud she is!) they’re pushing. There’s barely a glimpse of George and Mark, who were seen together last year in “Three Kings.”

This marketing manoeuvering for “The Perfect Storm” was surely tricky, especially since the huge marquee value of Clooney and Wahlberg had to be devalued. The film is based on Sebastian Junger’s big bestseller of the same title about the real-life 1991 storm that claimed all six lives aboard the Gloucester, Mass. fishing vessel Andrea Gail. Millions of readers already know what happened to the fisherman.

So, while the storm may not have been as “perfect” and infamous as the iceberg that got the Titanic, there’s plenty of awareness out there that “The Perfect Storm” has a bummer of an ending. Hence, the savvy marketing that has made The Storm the star (new Oscar category, Best Storm?).

When it blows into theaters June 30th, “The Perfect Storm,” like the storm it depicts, will be huge. Director Wolfgang Petersen, who so brilliantly delivered life underwater in the German U-boat blockbuster “Das Boot,” will show us what he can do above the waves. And those waves can be 100′ high, a whole lot taller than Clooney and Wahlberg.


ALLEY SPAWNS STAR?:The New York New Media Assn.’s recent panel, “Entertainment Online: Are We Having Fun Yet?,” made two things perfectly clear: No, we are not having fun yet, and, no, we are not making money yet.

Nor was there any consensus about what “entertainment” actually is. In fact, the real news last Tuesday was that high-profile Alley watcher and media maven Jason McCabe Calacanis, one of the evening’s not-having-fun-yet panelists, might become a movie star. But more on that later.

Panel moderator and L.A. Times journo Leah Gentry kept hammering the distinguished panel, which included Calacanis, XM Satellite Radio President and CEO Hugh Panero, party animal and Pseudo founder Josh Harris, and gamester Greg Costikyan, with the question “How do you make money with entertainment content?” Only Panero’s subscription-based venture, which will deliver a great variety of digitally-crisp radio channels to cars, suggested a viable business model, except that XM’s “fun” is down the road, so to speak, since the venture has yet to launch its satellites.

Unfortunately, that knotty question of fun which was to be the focus of the evening’s discussion never even got addressed until an audience member – no doubt wanting to get his money’s worth (tickets began at $15 a pop) — posed the embarrassing question during Q&A. Only one panelist, “fun” guy Harris, dared wrestle with the audacious inquiry by confessing that his idea of fun on the Net is playing Solitaire on his Windows desktop.

So what about all these short films, games, flash animations, etc. spinning around the Web? Gamemeister Costikyan, who wrote the book “The Future of Online Games,” kept waxing enthusiastic about gaming’s popularity and “stickiness” on the Web (So many people do it! The Web’s interactive capabilities make games a natural! Players keep coming back!). Still, Greg didn’t show us the money.

So while matters of money and fun were left in the dust as panelists kept emphasizing the new medium’s infancy (Look how long cable took to catch on!), the real “entertainment” and “fun” news of the evening was broken by Calacanis, who announced that he has a speaking role in Wayne Wang’s upcoming, digitally-captured feature “Center of the World.”

Calacanis did not discuss plot or his role but allowed that he also contributed to the screenplay, which Paul Auster and Siri Hustvedt wrote.

So what is “Center of the World” about? According to Artisan Entertainment, which is producing with Redeemable Features and gave us that little item known as “The Blair Witch Project,” “Center…” is in the tradition of such ultra-steamy films as “Last Tango in Paris,” “9 ½ Weeks,” and “In the Realm of the Senses.”

The story’s hero, played by Peter Sarsgaard (“Boys Don’t Cry“), is a young computer wizard in San Francisco who has just become an IPO multimillionaire. Apparently he drops some of this newly-won coin at a chic club where he meets a beautiful stripper. Immediately attracted to one another, they take off for three days in Las Vegas where they explore the limits of their sexuality and the nature of passion.

Hopefully they keep their cell phones off and hopefully ever-inquisitive Web Watcher Calacanis stays in character and doesn’t ruin their offline onscreen fun.


A MATTER OF ‘SURVIVAL’?: As the insatiable appetite for reality-based television becomes more of a, well, reality, producers are frantically scurrying for the Next Next Thing in this exploding genre. And Buzz/Saw radar may have picked up some news-breaking signals regarding a new series.

The reality craze derives from early TV’s game shows, gained impetus with PBS’s “American Family,” and really got going with Court TV, MTV’s “The Real World,” Robin Leach’s leering “Rich and Famous” series, and E! Entertainment’s coverage of how we party and have fun.

Cable’s growing hunger for things real is even taking us inside the human body as a number of shows feature actual medical procedures. And PBS is back in the game with “1900 House.”

Now, comes reality’s biggest audience-winning coup. CBS’s new “Survivor” series, with its weekly look at a cross-section of regular folk marooned on a island and chowing down on rats or live worm-like bugs, just trounced ABC’s “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.” This week marks the season premiere of “The Real World” and later this summer comes CBS’s “Big Brother,” another import from Europe, that keeps constant surveillance over a group of people packed into a house from which, except for one person, they will, one by one, be voted out by audiences.

But, could a mysterious new series called “Ship Mates” (“Noah’s Love Ark” and “Shipboard Romance” are other titles under consideration), uh, blow “Survivor,” “Big Brother,” the lot of em out of the water?

The alleged series combines four of America’s biggest crazes — reality programming, luxury cruise ships, fast and easy money, and the Internet! — with the profound human need to be loved, the omnipresent tingle of real paranoia, and that old perennial sex.

Throw in for good measure Big Stars and a whiff of an already proven TV classic (“The Love Boat”) and, voila! You have “Noah’s Love Ark” (our preferred title).

Quite simply, “Noah’s Love Ark” brings twenty singles together in the sealed-off, totally opulent first class area of a mega-cruise ship for two weeks. The ten men and ten women, who do not use their real names and will be totally isolated from the outside world, will eat sumptuous meals, play a series of shipboard games and indulge in a variety of networking and entertainment activities until they pair off.

Audiences will participate by predicting the results on the Net. The first few to identify who pairs off with whom wins. And the twenty participants have a chance to win big if they can identify — the Big Phony among them!

This is where the paranoia comes in. “Noah’s Love Ark” pro ucers will recruit a budding actor to play one of the love-hungry singles. They will invent a character he or she will have to maintain throughout the trip. Whoever of the twenty first spots the actor and successfully “outs” him/her is the on-board winner.

Of course, the show’s Big Stars will be flown in to a port city to be brought on board for a day or two to entertain the troops, just like on other major cruise ships. As the cruise industry gets more competitive, companies will be dying to show off their boats and will be happy to make them available to “Noah’s…” producers for free. So even the show’s producers come up winners!

And of course, the concept allows for tons of variations: gay cruises, ethnic cruises, yuppie cruises, cruises for antique lovers who are single, cruises for widows and widowers or Net junkies who’d have to give up their habit for a few weeks. In “reality,” it could go on and on. And so could we…